UNDER THE PIER

CHAPTER 14

WARNING!
  THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SCENES OF SELF HARM, ABUSE AND/OR SUICIDAL ACTIONS THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING FOR SOME READERS

I tried staying up late. I tried counting sheep. I even tried staying in the living room and watch a scary movie with my father.
I didn't want to enter the dream state with Zithan. I didn't want to at all. I guess I was afraid of this confrontation and didn't want to reveal the truth I had learned to him. The pictures I had seen haunted to me.
But no matter what I did, no matter how hard I kept trying to wake myself back up or beg to dream of something else, I just couldn't.
Was I that desperate and depressed?
Maybe I was and I no longer realized it. Zithan had given me the peace and love that I had been missing for many years now. So with that, I guess all of this would be easier said than done.
When I woke up, I was back in the dark ocean waters. I was afloat underneath the Darkfish Pier. The dream state had spawned me in directly between the two last pillars.
I immediately looked back down at my legs and sure enough, my pale white tail was still there. Seeing it before had brought me bewilderment and joy but now it seemed to give me nothing but pain.
Having a sirens tail would be hard to let go amongst other things. I was just now starting to learn how to use my night vision as well.
I slowly swam down to the ocean floor. After looking around for a moment, I saw Zithan and Little Buddy.
Zithan was perched upon the overturned rowboat. His thick black long eel-like tail wrapped around the rowboat. He held an annoyed face and his teeth bared slightly. Little Buddy was quickly swimming around in circles. I watched the tiny eel zoom in and nip on Zithan's face. Zithan snarled and swiped at the little eel. However, Little Buddy was too fast and escaped from Zithan's aim.
The process repeated with Little Buddy swimming around and zooming in to pester Zithan.
I watched them for a long moment, soaking in this memory.
I then feltpuzzled
Why couldn't all of this just had been a dream? A fake world I lived in where I escaped my father and the world around me. That kind of truth would be easier to handle than the truth of Zithan. Even if the siren was real in that alternate universe, the chances of me actually being friends were slim and none.
I sighed and looked down at the seafloor below me.
I wanted so bad to actually have someone love me, that I completely fell easy prey to a siren of all things.
The images of Zithan surrounded by blood and the human arm floating nearby flashed in my mind. Mr. Hendricks had more pictures but I had refused to see them.
Seeing those two pictures were enough to convince me everything I had being doing was wrong.
I wanted this to be real so badly ... but face it... it's not believable... Sirens kill people....
I felt myself on the verge of tears as I began to swim over to Zithan and Little Buddy.
Zithan looked up at me when I approached. His yellow eyes and handsome face brought pain for once to me. He gave me a smile and began to swim to greet me halfway. Little Buddy followed him and swam ahead of him.
Zithan stopped smiling and swimming to me when he saw the grim face I had.
Little Buddy swam up to me first, seemingly oblivious to the expression I had on my face. He rubbed all along my arms and swam in circles around my head.
I looked at him remorsefully and held him in my arms.
Was Little Buddy.... A fake friend as well?
I recalled my real world experiences with Little Buddy. While I again felt assured Little Buddy wasn't a fake friend, it didn't soothe the fact that Zithan was.
I felt terrified as I slowly looked up at him.
It was time to do this.
Zithan swam closer to me. "What's wrong?" he asked.
"I..." I began but the sobs came from my throat before I could finish my sentences.
I realized more than ever, I wanted nothing more than to be with Zithan. I felt more than what I felt was far more than liking him. But was it what I thought it was? I had never felt it before so I couldn't be certain at all.
Regardless, looking into his yellow solid eyes, I knew I couldn't bring myself to lie nor make excuses to him.
If this was all fake, a lie or even a fever dream, Zithan deserved to know the truth.
At least, one last time. Even if he truly was evil.
"I want to be with you.... forever. I want to cast aside all the terrible things I heard and seen about you today and leave this whole world behind me as a human... I wish my dream state here would last forever until I grow old and die. I wish I could swim with you forever here. I wish I could never wake up and not face the morning with my terrible father anymore."
The words came deep within my own soul. Things I thought I'd never say. Things I had thought but dared to never say in front of a loving soul. Not even to Officer Dean.
I knew it was dangerous to say these things because this was probably what a siren needed to hear to get his prey. But right now, I didn't care.
I leaned forward, covering my face in humiliation and heartbreak. I felt myself unable to speak the things that Mr. Hendricks had said to me. His terrible words rang into my ears and the pictures flashed into my mind.
The human jaw skull laying broken and lost in the sand. The poor person's arm floated severed completely by Zithan. And the blood.....
The truth was awful and yet knowing it, I couldn't completely shake my feelings for him. Not yet.
All of this was silenced by the strength and comfort of Zithan's arms. His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me in.
I felt myself melting emotionally when my face met his chest. I choked on sobs and wrapped myself around him as well.
My heart ached and pounded as we held each other. Everytime I tried to speak, I would only end up crying. I felt pathic and humiliation as I couldn't reveal to Zithan why I felt such a way. Little Buddy swam in circles around us, often pressing his long lengthy body against my cheek, as if trying to comfort me.
I finally let go of Zithan and embraced Little Buddy completely. I carefully and gently carcasses the black eels body against my face and allowed him to wiggles around my face and arms. He swam around my arms in figure 8s and finally settled down in the cup of my hands. he pressed his long mouth against my cheek, staying out.
"Why don't you tell me about Mr. Hendricks." Zithan finally spoke to me.
I looked at him in surprise. "How did you know...?"
"Little Buddy saw. He told me." he said remorsefully.
I sighed. Now came the harder part.
Yet despite what I thought would be the harder part, the confession came out smoothly. I didn't look away or shield my face from his eyes. I told him everything that Mr. Hendricks had told me. Even the pictures that Mr. Hendricks had shown me.  I explained in great detail, despite how gruesome it was, of what the photos held.
In the end, I knew it was my decision whether I wanted to come back to this dream state and not.
"Zithan.... Is it true?" I asked him slowly. "Was what Mr. Hendricks showed me true?"
Zithan looked at me shocked and surprised. "The human jawbone.... It's not there. I swear it isn't. I don't know where Mr. Hendricks seen it but I assure you there are no human remains at the net."
"What about the arm? In the photo, you were surrounded by blood and the arm was floating nearby you."
Zithan was quiet.
"Zithan...."
Zithan sighed and then nodded. "Some humans that swim in these waters don't have good intentions. I think they work together with Mr. Hendricks to trap me." He said.
Somehow, I didn't believe Zithan. Mr. Hendricks was definitely not a team player from what I have heard and seen. To me, it wasn't possible.
On the worse side, Zithan didn't deny that he had indeed ripped off the arm of a human. The poor human probably sank to the bottom of the ocean. Drowning and bleeding out at the same time, all while experiencing horrific pain and shock from his arm.
"Do not listen to these lies that Mr. Hendricks has told you, Cadence. That old human will do anything to get to me. Even if it's using you." Zithan said.
I looked at him sharply. "The only one who is using me is you, Zithan. Everything that we've been doing has been a step by step plan for me to drown myself, hasn't it?"
Zithan looked at me shocked. "What?"
"It's just as I said before. Mr. Hendricks obviously knows you have done this before. How else would he know all that we've been doing? He's been watching you a long time. It's obvious you have done this before to other people. He told me step by step what you do to lure people in and it's all the things you and I have been doing.
The next step for me would be to stay longer in the water, wouldn't it?"
"Candace!" Zithan said nearly hissing in anger.
The kiss between Zithan and me flashed in my mind. I looked away from Zithan, folding my arms. Little Buddy slowly swam in circles around me and Zithan, looking back and forth at both of us from time to time.
"You think all of this has been a trick to kill you?" Zithan asked me. "What else has Mr. Hendricks been telling you? What lies has he spread about me? Cadence..... None of this true. You are only human I've ever had a dream state with. You're the only being I've been with! I didn't even know humans could earn their siren tails in the water during a dream state! What I told you last night  about my affections were real. When I kissed you..." He said, grabbing my hands and holding them out between us. "That was real."
My heart skipped a beat but only once. I couldn't even look at him.  Everytime I saw him, I saw the human jawbone skull on the sand and severed bloody arm. I didn't see him as just Zithan anymore. I saw him for what he really was.
A siren. A trickster. A lair. A being that will doing anything to get their way. I was just .... Food to him.
"What about what you just said..... To me when you first got here? Was all of that true?" He asked.
"Of course it is." I said. "Despite everything I know, deep down it's what I want."
"Then stay with me. You don't have to wake up so soon and--
I yanked my hands away from Zithan. Before I left the pier, Mr. Hendricks had called to me again.
"If you do confront him about of all of this, be cautious. I'm not sure if he can kill you in a soul swimming state but it's best not to anger him. End it quick." He said. "He will try to make you stay. Usually the last step of his is to make his victims take longer swims. Swimming the night away and convincing the poor lad to not wake up as early."
I had looked back at Mr. Hendricks before passing through the large rocks. I nodded to him, not thanking him or cursing him for sharing the photos.
"No." I said to Zithan. "If I don't wake up from this dream, I will end up just like the rest of the missing people. Drowned because they believed in you."
Zithan looked at me bewilderment. "Wait what?!"
"If I continue to believe in this false fantasy, I will eventually go to the ocean during the day and drown myself because I believe you truly do like me and want me to be with you." I said. "Mr. Hendricks told me this is what really happened to all those missing people. The wallets I found."
Zithan looked more confused and then angry. He grabbed me by my shoulders.
"He's lying, Candence! Please! You can't believe in him!"
"And I can't believe in this!" I said. I yanked myself away from his grip, swimming backwards slightly. I felt horrible for this but I knew this was what needed to be done.
"If you do this, he will be able to manipulate you again and again!" Zithan said.
"I... have to wake up!"
"No!"
"I can't continue to believing something like this."
"If you do this, Mr. Hendricks might use you and hurt you like he has to others!" Zithan said practically begging at this point. "What about the skeleton I placed on shore? What about me saving you from drowning?"
"You only did it to gain my trust." I told him. "I no longer believe Little Buddy asked you too nor that you placed the skeleton on shore due to me being upset about it."
"Cadence please! I did all of these things for you! I care about you!" Zithan said, almost begging again.
I closed my eyes again.
I never had been in a relationship. Ever. Much less with a siren. Even though we just confessed our feelings to one another and weren't exactly in a relationship, I couldn't imagine how hard it would have been if we were in one.
This was harder than I imagined. I wanted to cave in and hug Zithan's neck. I wanted to assure him everything was going to be okay and I wasn't going anywhere.
But realistically, it wasn't going to happen. He was siren. He was only doing this so he could have food. This was the way he hunted.
All thinking for a moment, I come to realize this wasn't all Zithan's fault. He was siren. This was his nature.
The fault was within me. I desperately wanted an escape from my father. I desperately wanted to feel something different than hated, used and despair. The siren saw that and decided to use that to his advantage.
Instead of letting me drown and eating my corpse, I still didn't understand why. 
It's the main reason I doubt all of all this.... That Zithan really is evil and awful....
"Zithan... I---
Before I could speak another word, he grabbed me. My arms were grabbed and pulled forward towards him. His black eel tail thrashing behind him, coming even closer to him. His bright yellow eyes glowing more than ever.
I felt a sense of panic and confusion as he did so but then my emotions froze when he stopped my body a mere inch away from slamming into his.
I thought he couldn't hurt me in the dream state but perhaps I was wrong. I thought since he was begging me stay he couldn't physically hurt me.
I knew I should have just woken up instead!
Staring into my green eyes, his expression went from desperate to determined.
He then leaned on quickly and placed his lips onto mine. I felt shocked by the gesture.
I felt my whole body shaking from fear of what he was doing.
Even though we had kissed before, this was different. I again felt more confused about whether or not to believe in all of this or believe in Mr. Hendricks.
Let me be selfish... just one more time.
My arms shook at first but I wrapped them around Zithan neck quickly. I returned his kiss with more. Zithan right hand placed on my waist gripped me even tighter and I felt my torso pressed against his.
The more we kissed, the more I began to realize I had to end this.
I tried to pull away but Zithan kept a firm grip on me to. My heart was racing as well as my mind. Every ounce of wanted to embrace all of this more than ever.
But I knew I couldn't. I shouldn't.
"Stay. Stay with me." Zithan whispered to me between kisses. His webbed long fingers went around my face. I looked at him hopelessly and with near tears.
"Don't wake up." Zithan said. "Don't turn away from me. From all of this. Please."
I pulled him in, not saying anything. My heart and mind a mix of conflicted emotions and decisions.
We embraced again and I didn't pull away. Not yet.
My hands went on his chest after several more seconds. I slowly pushed away from him, my eyes lingering into his for a moment more.
Pain and regret from kissing him filled me more than the want to stay with him.
"Cadence..... Please..... I love you." He said to me. His yellow eyes seemingly speaking the passion he had for me.
I froze at the words. I hadn't never been told them before. At least not to my memory. I didn't know what to say if I suppose to say anything.
What do I do? I thought.
I opened my mouth and looked down. Maybe I felt the same way? I wasn't sure. I didn't know.
Panic and confusion rose into me.
"This dream.... I have to end this fantasy. Once and for all." I said with my voice shaking. 
"What will it take to prove to you that I am real? That everything we've been doing is real?" Zithan asked.
"I need to wake up." I said.
Zithan grabbed my face and forced me to look up at him.
"Mr. Hendricks is a lair. A trickster. He has fed you a lie and you're believing into it!" he said. "What about the shell? The red striped one? Didn't you find it on the beach?"
I nodded. "I have no doubt you placed it there for me. I will always remember you and respect you but.... We can't continue this anymore."
Zithan grabbed the top of his head. His gritted his many rows of sharp teeth and looked at me in frustration.
"Do you actually believe I want to kill you?!" He said raising his voice at me. "Why in the seven seas would I bother healing and talking to you if I wanted to kill you in the end?"
That I couldn't explain. Mr. Hendricks hadn't explained that part either to me. But regardless, the evidence against Zithan was compelling still.
"I.... Don't know." I said looking away from him. "I still can't be with you anymore. I don't feel comfortable."
"If you let Hendricks get into your head this easily, then I guess you aren't as strong as I thought you were." Zithan said.
"He opened my eyes to what was really going on. If I continue to go into a dream state with you, I could actually go into the ocean and die because I believe you loved me."
"You would do that on your own considering you suck at swimming." he hissed.
"Well, maybe you should have let me drown and die. Then none of this would have ever been happening!" I yelled.
"Is that what you wanted me to do? To have let you die?!"
"Yes!" I yelled. "And at the time I would have been fine with it too! even if the last thing I saw was a siren!"
"My apologies for doing the kind thing and not letting humans waste and rot in the very waters I sleep in!"
I bit back another insult. Yelling at each other would get us nowhere. me especially now. This wasn't the way to end things. Even with a siren.
"I.... I can't do this anymore." I said. "I want to stay here with you, I really do but none of this is real!" I said to him.
"We just kissed! I told you I loved you!" Zithan said raising his voice again. "Was that not real enough for you?!"
His eyes glowing brightly than ever. His long nails swinging in the ocean water, looking longer and more managing than normal. His whole body was thrashing back and forth angrily and it seemed larger than life now. 
For once, I feared this dream state. I feared Zithan. 
I closed my eyes, covered my ears with my hands and turned away from him.
I was going to wake up, no matter what it took. I would be free of the this curse and Zithan would have no control over me.
"I let go of this place. I am no longer with this place. I cannot be in this place. I want to wake up. I wake up willingly. And I do so now." I said quickly.
I didn't know if what I was saying would work. I had made it up on the top of my head. I prayed it worked.
There was a loud hissing near me and I had a feeling it was Zithan.
"Regardless of what you believe, I would have never hunted you." Zithan hissed to me. "I hope one day, you will realize you were wrong."
A long hissing noise filled my ears. I thought it was Zithan. Even with my ears covered, it still felt loud to me. I opened my eyes and uncovered my ears and turned around.
I felt surprised when I realized I had rolled over on my bed.
I shot up on my bed and looked around wildly.
I was wet. Smelling like fish and covered in salt.
I wondered for a long moment of this was a dream as well. I dared pinched my arm and other places on me. After feeling quite some pain, I stopped and embraced that I was truly awake.
I slowly sat up in the bed and looked around.
Looking out my shattered window, I saw it was still night time outside. Stars hovered over the now closed DarkFish Pier. The half moon shining down brightly above the Pacific Ocean.
The ferris wheel was shut down and still for the night. Along with the other game stands and other decorated lights that hung around. The only lights that lit up the pier now were the street lights that were placed along the sides of the pier and along the sidewalk.
Even then,  no one seemed to be on the pier.
I looked in the direction that led underneath it. I could barely see it due to the large boulders in the way but I knew it was there.
I knew he would be awake at this time of night. Swimming along the pier and beach waters, free of any worries of being caught.
I felt my heart ache. I already missed Zithan.
His last words to me rang into my mind. Regret filled me immediately. Even if Zithan lied to me, we shouldn't have ended things that horribly.
Our second kiss reoccurred into my mind. Tears swelled into my eyes. I brushed them quickly away.
I looked away and looked at my night table next to my bed. I picked up my phone and saw to my surprise, it was 3am.
I sighed and placed down my phone. I laid back down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling.
The reality of the situation dawned on me. I had escaped the seductive ways of a evil creature and wouldn't be eaten by him in the end.
I pondered how many people had died to this and wondered if I should make an anonymous call for the human jawbone.
I shook my head disagreeing with the idea together. No, if so, would reveal Mr. Hendricks fishnet. This would place me on bad terms with the old fisherman again and that was the last thing I wanted.
Mr. Hendricks was a weirdo and had some serious issues but he was right about Zithan all along. I hated it but he was right.
How I wish he was wrong.
My mind flashed to our kisses, him healing him all those times and him saving me for drowning. Him swimming to chase the shark away, holding hands while we swam away from the pier and into the kelp fields and even him teaching me about night vision.
A scene replayed in my mind specifically of him and Little Buddy. Little Buddy swimming around the siren and pestering him. How I would miss swimming with that little eel.....
A small part of me doubted that Zithan was placing up a front but Mr Hendricks had also opened my eyes.
I closed my eyes and began to cry.
I wish he was wrong....
Three specific words from Zithan echoed in my mind.
I love you.
I still didn't know how or what to feel of those words. Maybe I would know one day. But right now, I was feeling too much at once to concrete on that.
The heartbreak I felt was still raw. The breakup itself was horrible and I didn't feel any better.
I missed Zithan. I wanted to be in the ocean swimming amongst the kelp fields and exploring sea wrecks with him. I wanted to cuddle and hold Little Buddy against me again.
I'm sorry Zithan..... Despite what you are, I hope you will one day forgive me.
I replayed the breakup in my mind over and over again until I went back to sleep.
Tears had fled from my eyes by the time I did so. And this time, I didn't stop them.