true blue, spencer reid

𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧. five things

❝ i hate it here so i will go to secret gardens
in my mind ❞ -taylor swift, i hate it here

   Isabelle Cruz absolutely despised five things.

One, failure. The feeling like she was never doing enough followed her around like a stray cat, mostly she hated the idea of being a failure to herself but the idea of other people being disappointed in her made her shudder.

Two, being perceived as weak- or being perceived at all.

Three, germs. Isabelle didn't care to relentlessly research articles about germs until she meet Spencer. She adored his ramblings except for the ones about germs- sometimes he was like a human germ encyclopedia.

Four, losing freckles during the winter. It was awful for the memory of each freckle to gradually disappear, Isabelle still mourned the loss of her favorite freckle, which was just underneath her left eye.

Five, feeling numb- which was unfortunately for her happening right now.

The sound of a gunshot rang through Isabelle's ears as she sat on the curb just across the street from an unsub's house.

"First time you've ever shot an unsub?" Morgan curiously asked her.

"No." She responded, not even turning her head toward him.  

"Then what's the problem?"

'I don't know' Isabelle wanted to say but didn't, instead she continued staring at scene in front of her.

The front yard of the house was taken over by police officers and agents scattering in and out of the house.

"We caught him and saved David." Morgan said, hoping it would comfort Isabelle.

But it didn't, yes they caught the awful man killing children and yes, they saved a little boy, David.

But somehow she still she wasn't content.

It didn't feel right to be content.

Isabelle noticed Spencer walk to Morgan and whisper something to him but she didn't bother looking- or even listening to their conversation.

Spencer sat down next to her and watched the scene with her.

"What are you thinking about?"

Isabelle stayed silent for a moment, debating if she should lie to him or tell the truth.

She sighed, "I just feel stuck, like I'm a security guard watching my entire life play out in front of me on tapes and I'm just- observing my own life."

"It's normal to feel like that after moving, humans tend to want what we can't have- and one of those things is control." He stated.

This was why Isabelle adored Spencer's ramblings, her brain made her think she was the only one going through something and therefore she'd never recover, but Spencer somehow managed to comfort her with facts and statistics.

"Why are you thinking about this right now?" Spencer asked.

"I always think about it- it takes up like 90% of my brain function."

"You've always spent too much time up here." Spencer responded, pointing to his head.

Isabelle just scrunched her eyebrows.

"I remember one time you were staring at the wall and I asked you 'what's on your mind?' and you told me you were yearning for your childhood."

"That's a reasonable thing to yearn for." Isabelle defended.

"I'm not saying it's not, I'm just saying you think too much."

She scoffed, "Really, you're saying that to me? Spencer Reid is telling me I think too much?"

Spencer just shook his head slightly and smirked.

୨୧

The next day was filled with paperwork, paperwork, and paperwork.

It was the thing Isabelle hated most yet loved most about her job.

In the moment, it was hell, her hand cramping, racking her brain trying to remember what happened because she somehow already forgot.

But later, reading the reports, remembering the stories was something she could talk about for hours.

It was like opening an old journal that had sat collecting dust, reading over the things that caused so much anxiety at the time, which were now mundane.

"Hey do you wanna go to a bar with us?" Spencer asked and Isabelle smiled, "Yes I would love too, who going?"

"Me, Derek, Penelope, Emily, and Jj."

"Okay, just give me a sec-" Isabelle was cut off my her phone ringing.

'Unknown Number' It read, she clicked accept and brought the phone to her ear.

The only sounds that could be heard were heavy breaths, her eyebrows curled into confusion and she hung up.

"Um yeah, I'll be there in a sec." She told Spencer.

"Who was that?" "I don't know, it was just breathing must've been a butt dial or something."

authors note!
hope u enjoyed! :)