MOMMY'S LITTLE boy

chapter 3

Christian drew several deep breaths. 

"I can't cry. I can't cry," he repeated as he tried to regain his composure. 

"Why not?" Megan asked.

 Her arm was around his shoulders. Her eyes were soothing as they looked into his. Christian had momentarily forgotten she was there. He stopped reciting his private mantra and cleared his throat.

 "Seems to me that a good cry might be what you need," Megan said. 

Christian didn't reply. Megan stood and paced as she thought things over. 

"You've had a rough day. Why don't you tell me how this all started? Walk me through this."

 "But I don't know who you are," Christian said or more like whined. 

"Yes, you do. I'm Megan," she said.

 "But why are you here?" he asked."I'm King's best friend and live-in assistant. I cook. Help care for Ava. Weare like a family here. Now, tell me how this all started." 

Christian thought of protesting. He didn't know this woman. Why shouldhe share his secrets with her? Yet there was a maternal energy that radiatedfrom her, putting him at ease. It was a spell that he could not resist.

"You won't laugh at me?" he said.

 The thought of spilling it all was nice. He'd spent so much of his life running from his very nature. Actually talking to another human about it seemed wonderful. 

"Never," 

 "Okay, Miss Megan. I can't believe I'm actually doing this, but..."

 "You can call me Auntie Megan if you'd like," she said. 

Christian smiled. He cleared his throat again. 

"So, I kinda have anxiety. Have all my life. I just try to hide it," he began.

 "Is it crippling?" Megan asked. 

"Sometimes," 

"I know, so many people wouldn'tunderstand. I'm in law. Many dangerous people hate me. I am constantly at war with someone. I have some money. Why wouldn't I be anxious?" 

"I get it, though," Megan said. "No one is immune." 

"Yeah. Exactly. Well, so it was really bad yesterday morning, and..." Christian turned red. 

He put his head in his hands and groaned.

"Honey, this is a safe place. You can tell me," 

 "Sometimes, when I'm anxious...I have this, uh, pacifier."

 "Aww, that's so cute,"

Christian's eyes snapped open. He studied Megan to see if she was beingsarcastic.It was evident she was not.

"You really think so," he said. 

It wasn't a question. He was stunned that the woman had given her honest assessment.

 "Absolutely," Megan claimed. "I love little cuties with binkies. But go on." 

"Well, I sorta fell asleep with it in my mouth and my girlfriend camehome." Tears welled up in Christian's eyes once more. He tried to hold themback, sniffling hard. 

"I thought we had something. She took a picture and...she sold it to a gossip site." 

Megan tried not to react in horror. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how you feel. I've never been betrayed like that but it must be very difficult." 

Christian nodded. "It is. I...I really thought we had something. I called her,because she was already gone when I woke up. She said she couldn't be witha guy who is a freak and that I need help. So...I went out, bought a super expensive car then got shit-faced and decided to dump my Little gear into theocean but the cops pulled me over. So, that's my day. How was yours?"

Megan chuckled. "When did you first know you were a Little?" 

Christian chewed on the inside of his lip as he thought about the question."As far back as I can remember."

 "Lots of Littles say that," 

 "Yeah. I mean I didn't know what a Little was or that there were otherslike me. Always thought I was a freak. Like I always wanted to wear di—uh,certain things. You know?"

 "I understand," 

 There was a thoughtful pause before shecontinued. 

"Sweetie, how would you like to stay here for a while?"

 "At King's house? Just like, live here? Why?" Christian asked. 

"Because everyone in this house understands. You could be Little in a safespace. Have time to heal. Settle your soul. I think it would be good for you." 

"No" Christian said, standing up. The room spun for a moment. Heexhaled sharply and let the sensation pass. He then took a few steps.

 "BeingLittle has gotten me in enough trouble. I've got to shake it."

 "You can't," Megan said. 

"I can do whatever the hell I want to do," 

Megan shot the young man a look that made him snap to attention. Nothing more was said about the outburst, though. 

"Oh, you're welcome to try whatever you want. You're an adult.Obviously I have no real say over your life. What I mean, though, is you are aLittle by nature. It isn't something you can just forget. Sure, it might come in waves. There are times in your life when it's more of a factor and seasons when it wanes, but it will always be a part of you. It isn't something youchose."

Christian reflected on her words."So you're saying I just give up the fight and let...this thing...win?"

"I'm saying perhaps you should stop seeing it as a fight," she said. "Theredoesn't have to be a struggle. You're a Little. That's fine. Nothing wrong with it. There are plenty of other Littles all over the world. There always will be. Accept it and in so doing, accept yourself. You need restoration. This is a place where you can heal. The invitation stands. Even if you'd like to go andthink it over, we'll be here." Megan turned for the door and had it halfway open when Christian  spoke.

 "I'll stay," he said quietly. "Until tomorrow, at least. Then I'll see where to go from there." 

Megan smiled in satisfaction. Let the healing begin.