What to do when you have an apocalyptic hat stuck to your head

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by laughter_factor123

by laughter_factor123

1.Wear the hat. Wear your hat since you can't do anything else with it since its glued to your head. Show off how cool your hat is, make some "hat tricks" with your hat which won't really work since it is glued to your head. Your hat may become a evil self-aware being that tries to kill people as you sleep.If that happens go to Step 5: What To Do If Your Hat Starts To Kill.

2.Customize Your Hat. If you wanna make your hat feel unique, customize it with stickers, glue, pictures of puppies, and film reels of exorcisms from the Vatican. We all know how much people like to look at puppies and looking at Satan being taken out of the bodies of helpless people.But you shouldn't customize your hat with googly eyes because after your hat becomes self-aware the googly eyes are what it will use to see.

3.Check Yourself. Making check marks and sticking them all of over your body makes it less likely for the hat to kill you first. Unless it just angers your hat, then check Step 6: What To Do If Your Hat Threatens To Start The Apocalypse. If it doesn't threaten to start the Apocalypse*, good for you ! You have stop the Apocalypse.......for now. It may come in a hour, a day, a year, or a decade, but the Apocalypse will happen because of your hat. If the hat, does start the Apocalypse look at Step 9: Help, My Hat Started The Apocalypse!!

4.Die. Check Step 10: Learning How To Die, if you don't know how to.

5.What To Do If Your Hat Starts To Kill. So your hat has started to kill, eh? The first thing you do is find out how many people the hat has killed. 10 ? 20 ? 50 ? Numbers of how many people your hat has used you to kill is important. Oh, did I not tell your hat uses you to kill. Remember your mean mailman ? The hat killed him using you.You are the vessel of something that is extremely evil.

6.What To Do If Your Hat Threatens To Start The Apocalypse. Calm your hat down give it some ice cream, take it out for a night on the town . If you did that you're not very smart are you ? You can't feed a hat with no mouth ice cream and how can it look at any of those Gucci hat dresses without eyes(Check Step 2: Customize Your Hat). If you followed Step 2: Customize Your Hat, you're good at following directions, so follow Step 4:Die if it's not self explanatory.
7. Go To Step 9. Skip Step 8
8.Prepare Yourself. It's inevitable that the apocalypse will happen unless you go and follow Step 9: Help, My Hat Started The Apocalypse!!
9. Help, My Hat Started The Apocalypse!! You have to kill yourself (Step 10: Learning How To Die) It's the only way that humans will survive is you have to sacrifice your self to Prauccikeolo, the Hat King, so that he will vanquish your hat to the Evil Hat-iverse, the universe of the Evil Hat.
10. Learning How To Die. Just die. It's not that hard. Jump off a cliff,get eaten by a shark,etc. But the best way is going out surfing on a tsunami made out of lava, while riding a lava dolphin, and rocking with your favorite band like Aerosmith or listen to the parody of Eminem's Rap God, " Hat God". But your suffering will save humanity. Statues will be made of you, and songs will be sung. But you'll be dead.

* The Apocalypse is the end of time as we know it. The world will end and everyone will die*