Songbird

No Regrets

Every second of every minute of every day of my life had led up to that moment.

Will they ever forgive me?

I always said 'no regrets', but at that moment I had a few, and I wished, more than anything, that I had been a little more cautious.

I don't know why I remember this moment. Whenever I had spoken to people who had gone through the same thing, they always said they didn't remember a thing. Maybe I was just special. Great.

I couldn't move. I could hear everything, I felt heavy but light at the same time, I could feel the blood pumping through my body, I was shaking and I couldn't stop.

God, what a way to go.

I heard voices and I tried to make noise, maybe get somebody's attention. If I was going to die, I wanted to die in somebody's arms, or in the back of an ambulance, or in a hospital bed, or anywhere other than this disgusting alleyway outside of Frankie's apartment.

"She shoulda stayed with us, man!" The voice said. "She knows how I fucking feel about that guy!"

"She has friends other than us, Ziggy!" The second voice (fuck, is that Scarlett?) said. I heard the collection of footsteps. Jesus fucking Christ, is it seriously them?

"No, she fucking doesn't," Ziggy yelled. "She has us, and she has him, and he isn't her fucking friend."

"I don't get what you have against him, Zig," Mae mumbled, cigarette in her mouth.

"He's a terrible fucking person, and I know that from experience," He said. "She needs to stay the fuck away from him!"

"Pretty boys mad," Viv giggled, drawing out the word 'mad' to mock him more.

"Don't fucking call me that," Ziggy snapped again. I heard bone against bone and I knew he had punched her. I tried to kick, only able to move just enough to make a bit of noise against the garbage can next to me. I heard footsteps approach me and I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Guys!" Alex yelled behind him, towering over me. Ziggy ran up beside him. "Guys, oh my God."

Ziggy grabbed underneath me, picking me up. "Vivian, come here! I've gotta carry her!"

"Carry who?" Mae asked, flicking her cigarette into the gutter.

"It's fucking Birdie!" Alex cried, distressed. Ziggy started to ramble. He rambled when he was scared. Well, either that or he hit people, and right then his hands were full, so rambling it was.

"Okay, okay, we're rushing, we're rushing here," He spoke quickly. "We're running." Ziggy needed to be in control of every situation, his problem or not, so it made sense to me when I heard him start to order the others around. He sent Vivian to run to her house ahead of us, to make sure there was water and a place for me to lie down. Scarlett was crying and screaming. I felt bad for her, she'd never really seen anything like this before. Granted, neither had I. Mae ran ahead with Viv, leaving Scarlett, Ziggy, and Alex to carry me home.

"She's bleeding!" Alex screamed through tears. "She's fucking bleeding!"

"Calm down, just shut the fuck up!" Ziggy yelled.

"Ziggy, she's fucking bleeding!" Alex exclaimed. Ziggy yelled out in frustration. He did that sometimes, too. I'm surprised he's never hit Alex. Well, maybe he has, we just don't notice. He probably doesn't, though. Alex may have a lack of self-respect, but not enough to let Ziggy hit him, too.

"I know!" Ziggy yelled. "I fucking know! You don't think I can fucking see that? I have blood on my fucking pants and vomit on my shirt and you don't think I can tell that she's fucking bleeding?"