"Thank you for coming, Agatha." The library HR manager, Todd Smith, smiled over his desk at the older woman dressed all in black.
"Hagatha," she corrected.
"I'm sorry." He checked his paperwork. "Yes, Hagatha Blackwood. Sorry." He paused. "We need to discuss some incidents from your shifts." He pressed his lips, not thrilled about the coming conversation, but it was necessary. The director insisted.
"What seems to be the problem?" Her calm demeanor said she had no sense of any wrongdoing.
"Hagatha." He straightened his paperwork. "Let's start with smokers on library grounds."
Hagatha shrugged. "I don't know anythin' about that."
Todd glanced over the report. "Yes. That's the problem. We have a strict no smoking rule. If people wish to smoke, they must leave the property."
The woman's brows knitted into a scarf. "Ain't no one using a smoker on the grounds. There's a park down the street for picnicin'."
Todd pressed his lips. Was she serious?
"Uh, no," he said, "People cannot smoke cigarettes or vape on the property." He crossed his fingers, hoping for comprehension.
After a pause, she replied, "Well, why didn't you say so? No smoking can mean all kindsa stuff. Yer saying I should move people smoking cigarettes off the property."
Todd sighed with relief. "Yes."
She leaned forward. "Where do I put them?"
"What?"
She wiggled in her seat. "Where do I put 'em when I move 'em? 'Cause I can't go far. I ain't that powerful."
Todd blinked several times. "Over the property line?"
Hagatha beamed. "Not far, then. No problem." She rubbed her hands together. "Wanna see me do it now?"
He furrowed his brow. "No, not now." This conversation bordered on the bizarre.
"'Kay." She flopped her hands into her lap.
Todd changed the subject. "Let's talk about vehicles." He shuffled the paperwork, locating the relevant pages.
"Vehicles?" She tapped her chin. "Oh, the parking thingie?" She put a hand over her mouth as her cheeks flushed pink.
Todd stared. For a scary-looking septuagenarian dressed like a teen goth, she seemed endearing. What possessed his predecessor to give such an odd woman a security job?
"Yes, the five vehicles."
Hagatha straightened in her chair. "Yes, sir. Five. They were warned. The sign said the rules, and they didn't follow 'em."
"Yes, it's clear from the report the drivers violated our parking policy."
Hagatha tapped the pages. "Two parked in the staff section. One used up two spaces." She tisked. "And the two stayed all day long." She shook her head. "Some people can't follow rules."
"They were upset when they were unable to locate their cars."
Hagatha touched the page again. "The sign said clearly. They shoulda known better."
Todd ran his fingers through his hair. "Well, okay, but..." He spread the pages out. "Hagatha, where are the cars?"
They stared at each other across the table. Slowly, her expression melted into pure confusion. "I did what the sign said. 'Parking violations will result in cars being towed.' So, I toad them." She shrugged.
"But where did you tow them? We can't find the cars."
Hagatha shrugged. "Well, they probably hopped away."
The word caught in Todd's throat. "Hopped?"
"Yes." She giggled. "Or someone ran 'em over. Which is kinda sad." She pressed her lips into a soft frown.
Todd forced himself not to laugh.
"Wait." He scrubbed his face, rerunning their conversation in his head. "What do you mean, you 'toad' them?"
"I turned them to toads. The sign said so." Chin raised, she crossed her arms.
Todd refrained from slapping himself on the forehead. He searched the paperwork again, his mind reeling. "Which security firm are you from?"
"Yes."
"What?"
"Witch Security."
Todd raised an eyebrow and held up a page. "Which Security."
"Yep. Witch Security. I was surprised you wanted me to patrol a parking lot and building. Usually, I do defensive spells. But this was fun. Never turned a car into an amphibian before." She grinned.
He pulled a deep breath. "Hagatha, we have a misunderstanding."
Her face fell. "Oh, please don't sack me. I'm having the most fun. 'Specially making people fine after they are late with a book or lose it. I never get to do nice magic."
Todd put his head in his hands. "You bespell patrons with fines?"
Hagatha sat back. "Oh no. They aren't fine because they have overdue books. Soes, I make them fine." She paused. "It's nice."
"Hagatha, I'm not sure we are on the same page here."
The beginning of their conversation echoed in his head. Moving smokers off the property. Cars will be toad. She was a real witch, turning cars into toads and charming patrons.
"Hagatha, when I mentioned moving people, I meant politely asking them to walk across the street to smoke."
Her dark eyes opened wide. "Oh, I's glad you said so. I woulda popped 'em over the line." She pointed a finger and a flash of lightning sparked at the end.
Todd swallowed, scanning the rest of her personnel reports. Many glowed with admiration about her hard work, her help with problem patrons, and her good nature. The director had asked Todd to go easy, emphasizing the missing cars.
But nothing more.
Todd opened his mouth, ready to fire a genuine witch from library security.
As if reading his mind, she sagged in her seat, her eyes watery. She ran a hand over her mouth, sighing.
His heart twitched. He couldn't do it. Security incidents were down fifty percent, and the director loved her.
"Hagatha, you do superior work. Help us find those cars, and we'll call it good."
She let out a stereotypical cackle. "Oh, that's easy." She twitched her hand, muttering under her breath.
The air sizzled with ozone, followed by a loud bang from the parking lot.
Todd ran to the window and spotted four of the missing cars. One sat jauntily on the lawn between the rows of cars. One appeared smushed flat in an empty spot. Two materialized underneath other vehicles.
"Four of five," he said flatly.
Hagatha laughed again. "Let's hope a kid didn't have that one in his pocket."
He met her gaze, and they both cackled.
