Letters to Sam // pottorff

Prologue

Sam Pottorff gently pushed his girlfriends clothes from one side of her wardrobe to the other. He sadly ran his hands over some of her favourite sweaters that she wore whenever they had Lazy Days.

It has been almost three months since the funeral and he couldn't bring himself to clear out her side of their bedroom. Grabbing one of her t-shirts, he breathed in her scent. A mixture of her shampoo and the lavender soap she used.

Tears filled his eyes as he tucked the shirt on top of the small pile of clothes he was keeping. A pair of galaxy leggings which she had loved, a sweater that she was wearing the first time they met and some other things that were significant to him anyway.

Reaching up, he begins to pull done some of her accessories. Beanies, sunglasses, purses. You name, it was there.

Sam gently opened her favourite satchel. It was black leather with gold designs. Frowning, he pulled out a pile of paper. Upon removing them from the bag, he noticed that they were letters. Each one in a different coloured envelope with designs on the front.

His eyes scan each of the envelopes. Read when you're happy. Read when you're tired. Read when you're upset. Read when you want to move on but feel guilty. Read on your birthday. There were way more. He gently turned over the envelopes, reading each title before he found one. Read when you find these.

His hands trembling, he opened the envelope. Immediately the smell of her perfume hit him. He breathed deeply, holding back tears as he unfolded the paper.

Dear Sam,

Hey. If you're reading this it means that I'm gone. I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I hope you weren't the one to find me. Just the thought of you finding me like that makes me sick to my stomach.

I'm writing this on the 23rd of February. I don't know when you're going to find these. Probably when you find yourself looking through my stuff, you nosy little shit. Just kidding.

It was going to kill me anyway. We both knew it. It was eating me away inside. Why prolong the agony for either of us? I could see it killing you too, Sam. I didn't want to crush that happy new person you've found inside you after all those years of hurting. Assuming I've been an idiot and gone ahead and done it anyway.

I hate cancer. I hate it . I hate it. I hate it. It tore me away from the one person I cared about most. You. Oh God, ignore the ink that may be running on this. I'm kind of crying. You're at Kian and Jc's place right now...You've been going there a lot lately. Maybe you just can't watch me become a skeleton in front of your eyes.

Never, for one second, blame yourself for this. I can't stick the pain any longer so I'm doing it. I hope you can move on from this Sam because you deserve someone who can love you and care for you. You deserve that more than anyone.

Oh and by the way if I catch you reading these letters all at once I will haunt you for the rest of your life. Once again, just kidding. But seriously, read these letters when you feel how it says on the front. And know I'm hovering right above you right now, pouring mustard on your head.

Promise that you'll try to be happy. Imagine me sticking out my pinky at you right now. Okay you do the same. Promised. And remember, no breaking promises.

I love you babe...

Ella xx