ODDS & ENDS

Send off

I feel like I'm going to throw up or pass out, maybe both. I would like to avoid that all all costs though. Like, 'hi person I admire' and gag? Please no. Anything but that. The girls around us have been kind luckily and Dylan has been a wonderful friend making sure I've been okay throughout the day.

We ended up camping out at the concert venue, which I've never done and probably will never do again. It wasn't awful, but I am not a fan of normal camping let alone camping for a concert. It was safe for sure with all the security making rounds as well as the other girls doing the same, but it isn't something I really would like to do again. I've done some crazy things, but I think this makes the top of my list.

However, I'm glad we did because Dylan was right when she said fans would be crazy. We were fortunately the first ones there, but people started coming up to us begging for our spots. They told us sad stories even though we understood how they felt we politely declined and they left giving us side eyes.

I don't have a sad story or anything like that to offer. The boys didn't save me or keep me alive, but they have given me motivation to pursue the things I want in life and be unapologetically headstrong about my decisions. Dylan, however, is alive because of them. K-Pop changed both of our lives for the better and I believe it'll continue to do so.

When we planned to do this a year ago we both were in such different places in life. I was working at a dead end job that barely paid rent, and she was recovering from almost dying via a cold so we both are now in very different places in life than we were back then. I can financially support myself and even afford to send my parents money with what was once just a side hustle, and Dylan is back in top notch health. She is back working and now travels to K-Pop concerts around the country whenever she feels like it. She also met many friends along the way which led her to her girlfriend who she states is her future wife. She's so supportive and caring, so I'm happy to see Dylan thriving.

I'm just glad to be hanging out with Dylan again, we don't see each other often, but we talk often enough that it doesn't feel like we're apart. Those are the best kinds of friendship and it feels like that's how all my friendships are now which makes me feel like I've come so far. I suddenly get pushed into the railing and a girl apologizes diagonally behind me.

"If these people don't stop pushing when they haven't even come out here yet, I will punt someone." Dylan says in a low voice.

"It's fine, they're just excited."

"It's not fine, they don't need to forget human decency just because their bias is here. You're too nice, don't let them step on you or I will bark at them."

"You already did enough of that during the concert."

"...you're right, but this bark might actually have a bite with it." I laugh, and a tiny smile creeps from one corner of her mouth. I love that she's willing to fight for me even though she's a whole two inches shorter than me, which isn't saying much since I'm already at a short 5'1". All of a sudden the screaming ensues and that alerts everyone else with all that we need to know. The boys are here. 

My heart squeezes in my chest and all I can think of is the fact I'll finally see him like a foot in front of me. I wonder if he'll have his silly goofy smile or if he'll be too tired that he'll mask a fake one. I worry about him, and of course the other boys, but something about him just sparks something in me. I don't know how to feel right now. Excited? Nervous? Both?

They're making their way over and I know he'll be the last one, he always is. Watching over all the boys, making sure they are safe and accounted for. He's always last following behind everyone else. It always was a bit sad seeing him all alone or the last one in line in most of the videos I come across online. I always wanted to walk alongside him back there so he wouldn't be alone.