Everyday at school I would daydream, I'd get so caught up in the fantastic worlds inside my mind whole class periods would fly by in a blink. Only for me to 'wake up' halfway home walking alongside the road, muscle memory being the only part of me truly awake. I never thought it was a problem, in my mind I was safe. In my mind I was loved by a huge family with tons of adoring siblings to play with and a father who doted on us but especially on mom, he cherished her. In my mind I was never alone.
Soon though as graduation passed me by and life kept moving I realized I was stuck. I thought I was keeping up with the crowd when in reality I'd been stuck in quicksand this whole time, simply imagining a world where I walked alongside my friends, hypnotized as it slowly pulled me in deeper. This realization only plunged me further into the abyss of my mind, I took a deep breath and swan dived into the murky depths allowing the familiar warmth to envelop me in its cool hug. In my mind I was safe. In my mind I was never alone.
Though my daydreams spanned far and wide when it came to all the things I imagined there was always a common theme. Love. Streams of beautiful connections and intricate storylines flowed around my mind at all times, intertwining in a beautiful twirling dance. There I was the ballerina on my toes dancing with confidence and grace. I was the desired riding a blissful high, not caring about the truths of reality.
Unabashed, comfortable, safe love. Above all else this was my ultimate fantasy, a fairy tale romance filled with passion and desire but also the simple things. Making a little extra coffee in the pot every morning, a companion to walk the dog with in the evening. A sweet kiss everyday, one that said 'I love you and I love that you're mine.' It was all I wanted in life and unfortunately for me that desperation and overwhelming need to be loved made me akin to Hellen Keller when it came to the red flags screaming at me to run away. Their fabric grasping at my ankles in a last ditch effort to stop me, my legs faltering at times against the strain but ultimately there was nothing to be done. Everyone tried to stop me. In the end I did this to myself. I was the one who signed the dotted line on the devil's contract, I didn't care what happened to me in the end.
Looking back I really wish I had.
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Roses in Bloom
RomanceAt our rawest core we all want to be loved. Even if you'd never be caught dead admitting it Im sure you know that much to be true. A strong embrace from your best friend, a passionate kiss from your partner, a soft kiss to the forehead from your mot...
