Secrets and Lies

The Space Between Us

Spencer had been tutoring Toby in French for two weeks now. They were spending quite a lot of time together, smiling and laughing.

"I can't remember the last time I laughed this much." Spencer said in between her chuckles.

Toby grinned. "Me either."

"Don't you laugh with Emily?" She asked in a way that brought the mood down to more serious.

"Of course I do, but not like this." Toby admitted. "I really enjoy spending time with you. I'm glad I can make you laugh. I kinda thought you hated me." He sighed.

Spencer let out a small whimper as she shook her head. "No. I don't hate you. I never hated you, Toby."

He smiled. "That's good to know." He scooted slightly closer. "So, then why exactly do you avoid me?"

Spencer scooted over, away from him. "I- I don't avoid you."

"You do." He stated. "Sometimes you even act cold around me."

"I'm not being cold now."

"But you are trying to put distance between us." Toby commented.

Spencer scooted over again. "No. I'm just respecting the space."

Toby frowned. "I don't like when there's space between us." He admitted. "I like being close to you."

Spencer looked over at him. "We can't close the space. The space exists to prevent chaos." She sighed and looked away from him again.

"What chaos might that be?" Toby reached for her hand slowly.

"Emily." She whispered.

Toby froze. He pulled his hand back. He suddenly remembered his promise to Emily. He remembered that as far as everyone, including Spencer, was concerned Emily was his girlfriend. As much as he liked Spencer nothing could happen between them even if she did like him back because he was with Emily. He was Emily's boyfriend.

"I'm sorry, Spencer. If I made you uncomfortable or worried. I care for Emily and I don't want to cause trouble for her. Forget what I said about the space between us. You're right. It exists for a reason."

To his surprise Spencer turned to face him. He couldn't decipher the look on her face. The distance between them was slowly being closed as they stared at each other.

"Acknowledging this space also means we're acknowledging that there is something between us."

Toby nodded, a serious look in his eyes. "I do acknowledge it. Do you?"

Spencer gulped. "Yes, I do."

Toby couldn't hold back his smile. "So without the space we would-"

"Be in trouble." Spencer finished. "We should end our lesson for today and maybe stop altogether."

Toby stood up right after she did. "I don't want that. I understand that we have to keep this space between us, but I don't think we have to completely avoid each other."

"I can't say it out loud, but even thinking it could have disasterous consequences. We should stop seeing each other alone like this."

Toby took a chance and reached for her hand. "Spencer, if what you can't say is anything like how I feel then I don't want to stop this. I've been waiting for this moment, for longer than you know, and I-"

"Toby, don't. Please. Saying it out loud will ruin everything."

"Spencer, you don't understand. Emily is g-" He stopped himself. He couldn't tell her secret or break his promise, even if telling her would help him have a chance with her he couldn't possibly hurt Emily. "-great, but my feelings for you-"

"Stop." Spencer yanked her hand away. "Don't say anything like that." She grabbed her books. "I have to go. We should keep our distance."

"Spencer!" Toby called after her, but Spencer kept walking away. He wanted to chase after her, but what could he say, other than outing Emily, which he could never do.

Toby sighed and sat back down on his porch. It was easy when it was unrequited, but now it seemed like Spencer shared his feelings and that made him want to try harder to profess his love to her. His long standing crush of five years. He thought back to when he first started to like her. He was eleven and she was turning ten soon.

He remembered thinking she must be sad because every time he saw her she was alone. She didn't seem to have any friends. He could relate. He also had no friends and felt very lonely most of the time.

He remembered what she said the first time he ever talked to her.

"Hi, I'm Toby. What's your name?"

"I'm Spencer Hastings."

"Want to play?"

"I would consider it. However, I must focus on my studies."

"Studies? But aren't you nine?"

"I'll be ten in four short months."

"What do you do for fun?"

"I have extracurricular activities."

"Huh?"

"I play sports, I'm learning different languages, and I take horse back riding lessons." She stated proudly.

"Wow! You have a busy life."

"My schedule is predetermined for optimal achievement of preset goals." She explained.

"But is any of that stuff fun?"

She tilted her head. "Fun? I suppose succeeding is fun. I do enjoy the thrill of winning and crushing my opponent. Is that fun?"

Toby shook his head. "Nuh uh." He reached for her hand. "Come on! I'll show you how to have fun!"

That day Toby took her to an arcade and they played games. He even won her a stuffed lion from the claw machine. After that they went to get hot dogs and go for a walk in the park. When it started getting dark he walked her home.

He thought they had become friends and he would get to be with her all the time, but the next day when he saw her she ignored him.

He never knew why, what changed after she got home, but Spencer and Toby didn't become friends like he thought they would. The more Spencer kept her distance from him the more Toby longed to spend time with her again, until suddenly he realized he had feelings for her.

Now they were finally getting closer, but he has a girlfriend.