If I do post this on wattpad… HEY!!! I don’t know if I will but hey anyway. For the past few months I have been keeping a journal in my iPod, these are a few extracts to let you in to my crazy life. I know that it is mostly about Mr G. but a few months ago I was kind of strange and thought I was in love with him but now he is a cocky d*ck who thinks he is so cool cause he is 23 and working in an all-girls school and he was only hired cause our music teacher fancies him. Seriously, why else would she hire him, he’s a crap music tech.
I am writing this cause I am very emotion tonight. District 3 left the X factor but I don't know why I am sad cause I prefer Union J. I think I felt exactly what union j felt when Nichole said Union j, I was happy for about 2 secs then I started crying for no reason. I don't know district three and I know it is not fair for me not to like them but tonight I crying over them. Maybe I was just still very emotional over how Union J could of left or I could have been the break to find out who was going to be on the bottom 2. I am still going to state here and now that you must never listen to boy bands or watch the X factor because in the end you will end up crying.
ok this needs to be on the record. Mr Gentile called me hot!!!!! ahhhh! Freaking out. Well he said he was cold since he was wearing a scarf and I said 'its not that cold but then again I just had PE' and then he said well you are hot then. Its lame I know but it still counts... kind of... not really... but it does in my mind!!!!! He is soooo nice and he said he will see me tomorrow, which I will make sure will happen : D. Who nows we might run away to France together like the 15-year-old girl and her math teacher. But I'm 14 and he is a music tech... Oh well. To quote the kesha song he is my drug, seriously thought his voice and those eyes and he is like 6"3, it's unreal. Only if I was in sixth form then I might stand a chance. Hummm, I just can't stop thinking about him.
today I am writing this because of what happened between my dad and Alex. I don't know exactly what happened but from the argument I could tell that Ander threatened to squeeze dad to break his back. Dad tonight he completely lost it. He pushed Ander around and threatening him. My bro was crying his eyes out and when other people cry it makes me cry to. Since I wasn't to do with anything with it I thought I tried to leave but dad stopped me. He said since I was his sister I couldn't go. That was the point when I burst into tears. There was a whole lot of sh*t the kept happening including me spraining my ankle. Dad also said "you will do what I say as long as I live here". Now the only thing that keeps me going is taken away from me, I don't know what to do.
omg the Christmas concert was today day and it was amazing!!! Well, not the concert... the fact I got to talk to Mr G for 30 mins! AAAAAHHHHHH! But.. I talked mostly with his sixth form "girlfriend" who I hate to say is really nice. We were talking about Mr May and his Rylan beard. Before you say anything there are three ways to deduce that she was his girlfriend. 1) I asked her what she was doing in the concert and she said she wasn't musical so she was there why would you stay at school late to help with Mr G with chairs and tables also if she isn't musical and he is the MUSIC tech how would they know each other? 2) She got him a coke aka bought him a coke meaning that she REALLY likes him and/or he trust her with his money. 3) they were fucking flirting with each other the whole time I was there right in front of me which REALLY pissed me of. Just another entry about Mr G... wow I'm am really pervy but I think I love him. Not just a silly student teacher crush, I mean I really love him. I mean he is cute, geeky, sensitive, funny, kind, caring and he has the most AMAZING blue eyes. I hate life but this is the first time I have ever felt like this with anyone before and pisses me up the arse that we can never be together because he is like 23 and I'm like 14 so yer... I might just die in a hole filled with my own tears of rejection. ;(
Today I made a vow that I will for a whole 2 weeks try to avoid Mr G. I think he is getting creeped out so just give him some space and he will be less creeped out. As say a Mr Gentile free four-night. Also Union J left the X factor last week which I don't really care cause I didn't bother watching it. I only found out when Caroline asked Louis how he felt bout UJ leaving. I was disappointed but not upset. I also found Mr G band account... awkward. There was head banging and everything. I was really funny, but the songs aren't half bad not my cuppa tea but not bad. I just need to get into my head that he is a TEACHER and I am a STUDENT! Maybe these weeks might help me get him of my mind and if I see him just keep my head down and walk away. Even in music no staring look away. The only time you can see him or speak too him is if he covers us but even then minimal eye contact, staring, and speaking. I speak to him on the last two days though cause those are the last two days of term and I might say merry Christmas. Actually I won't avoid him on the last week just not stalk him.
why are my parents so annoying. they keep going on and on about MY room. Why should they care is my room is tidy or not, it's mine! the only person how should care if it is tidy or not is me! it's Monday today do it has been three days without Mr Gentile. It tool ALOT of selfcontrol but I managed not to go pass his office. I did look for him once at lunch in the music school but luckily he wasn't there. The only down fall is that it hurts. A lot. I don't know if it is just craps and I don't get pains on my period it is just that the only thing different is I'm not seeing him. It probably isn't being away from him,. But if it is if I do have enough self-control to keep avoiding him I don't know how I am going to feel at the end of the week.
it's Wednesday, 5 three days without hearing that voice, smelling that sent and seeing that face. I saw the back of his head on Tuesday but that was like teasing me and it hurt more. Today I went to London with the school so I got my mind of him but he was still there in the back of my mind. I swear I saw him five time today but I guess it is just me seeing things. I am going to try one more day but if he isn't covering us for German I will talk to him on Friday lunch or after the bell. I think this well has helped a bit over my obsession over him but on the other hand since I am not seeing him I am thinking about him more. I feel like a right pervert. I don't know any more I don't know why I want him so bad I just do. I hope he is still working at cchs when I’m in six form. hopefully I will get a better chance with him then but even so it still will be illegal.
hey I haven't written in a while so I am going to tell what has happened in the last few months. I have stopped see Mr G cause I was being noticed to much and I had to get told to stop seeing him. Sooo awkward! James won X factor. I am current fan girdling over R5, Ross and Riker Lynch to be exact. I still can't make my mind up between them. I have moved on Mr May now but I still have a few grams of feelings for Mr G. I play guitar now and I am getting better, I just need to work on chord progressions. I am taking my Grade Three singing on Wednesday!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!! The Host is coming out soon and I think I am the only one that prefers him to the other one [Jake Abel]. McFly is a big thing in my form right now so I just downloaded Memory Lane and it is really good. My mum thinks Henry is gay... Yep. I am currently trying to train myself to sleep for short periods of time and feel refreshed after cause I hate sleeping. My body wants to go to sleep but my brain doesn’t. I have decided either to go to a Music University or Cambridge. If I don't get into Cambridge I think I will move to LA so I can be a singer, or I just can move to London. I have been watching lots of warbler videos and R5 interviews just to see Riker so I think I am swinging towards the Riker side. Hopefully I will be on more often seeing you around.
That’s it… Yer my mind is f*cked up. Feel free to ask me any question on this or my life in general. Vote, fan and leave a comment saying what has been significant in your life recently and/or your mind is as f*cked up as mine. I may or may not post anymore like this I just thought I should tell you what im like… CRAZY!!!
