Tinnitus

Chapter One

Ari Garcia:

Have you ever had a dream that you wanted to make into a reality? A dream as in a passion. One that seems impossible to achieve especially coming from immigrant parents that expect you to become a nurse, doctor, or lawyer? A passion that you have a talent for but in order to make it your reality you must go back to the country that your mother abandoned. Or perhaps your father's country?

Not knowing your parents' past makes you question yourself when you make mistakes because you don't know if what you're doing reminds them of their terrible pasts. To be honest, my mother or my father never had hit me, maybe because I swallowed my curiosity and hoped that being a good daughter would earn their trust. I wanted to know. I really did. What's so bad about their childhoods? Was it abuse? Did they commit a crime? They act as if someone will find us and wipe us out of our existence if they even think about the past. Over time I let it go, I have a secret of my own now. One that my parents aren't aware of or the world isn't aware of.

My dream was to become a musician. Simple dream, everyone has a taste in music or at least has a rhythm within them. This rhythm can be your heartbeat. The interesting thing about my dream is that only one person told me to be realistic. I didn't ignore his words, in fact his words motivated me. It became my mission to prove everyone wrong. A poor half-Korean teenager can become a musician and even better an idol. I packed up and flew back to South Korea. My mother had a look on her face when I passed the security check-up. She wanted to say something while my father smiled as if he was constipated.

The stage was my sanctuary, a realm where dreams transcended reality and melodies wove the fabric of my existence. Each step, each note, propelled me further into the spotlight, a beacon of hope amidst the darkness of the world. One day I was filming a message to my family when I found myself in a different area of the company that I worked for. I could hear a girl's voice begging for a second chance in her career. A chance to make up for her mistakes. I was always a curious person, but whatever I heard that day should've stayed in my head.

Like an idiot, I continued to smile at my phone and started my filming over. I saved the original video, the sound quality is as clear as the glass windows from our company's building. The same windows that called my name. The ones where my reflection was trapped in, my reflection constantly reminded me that I was a coward. I ignored her, praying that I didn't hear those words come out of my boss' mouth. Is my secret as bad as my parents? Maybe.

Even the bright stage begins to dim. My sanctuary became a prison cell. Our company started to sell us visually. Fans expressed their concerns about our revealing outfits since we were minors, but it went ignored and within weeks it became a trend. Little girls would wear replicas of our outfits, but to us it was disturbing. The only person who told me to be realistic knew that I could make it but he also knew that life wasn't a fairytale. What did I do to carry a deep secret like this? Does everyone carry a disturbing secret like this until they die? I refuse to live as if everything is alright and perfect.

"Ari! Ari!" The same sweet voice that once begged for a second chance yelled as she banged on my dorm's door. I could feel my stomach turn. "ARI!" She screamed and kicked the door. I messed up. I know I messed up. I stared at my phone and read the latest articles. People were shaming Lia, they were calling her disgusting names. "ARI OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!" Lia screamed. I bit my lips as they quivered, I then opened the door.

"Lia, I didn-ack!" I stumbled back as she punched me. "Lia, I'm really sorry!" I stood up properly as she burned holes into my face. She proceeded to attack me and I let her. I didn't fight back, it didn't even hurt.

"You thought being the hero would fix everything?! You thought society was going to pity me?! No!" She reached for a vase. I froze in place. "They accuse me of enjoying everything that has been done to me! They claim that I'm dirty by choice! Now the company is going to bury me alive along with the allegations that you stated!" She threw it right at my head. It shattered beautifully. I couldn't hear her properly anymore, it was quiet.