Letting my love bleed

Heather

"Yeah so fuck him. He didn't even show when he said he would multiple fucking times." Stan angrily told me while looking out the bus window on his right. He was telling me about his dad not showing up to his games, how much it hurts him.

I loved listening to him, whether it was something bad, or good, I loved giving him and my attention. I hoped that when I did- he saw how much I care about him, that I'd give up anything for him just to be a little bit better, so I hoped he'd start to return it in a way. But just the fact that if I listen to him somehow makes him feel better, I'd do it. Every time.

The orange morning glow shining onto his face through the dented window made his eyes look wet and dry at the same time. I tried to look him in his face, "At least your mom and sister showed up... and I was there too." I lightly smiled, hoping he'd see the gesture I was trying to make towards him.

He looked away from the window and his eyes lined up with mine, "Yeah... you're right." he returned a face of light happiness.

His face was so alarming in the best way possible. Because of him, my heart and my brain were so much more different from each other than they should be. But it was ok... because he didn't mean to make that happen, it was all my fault in the first place.

Our eye contact got broken from the bus driver slamming on the breaks, and yelling at all of us to get off. So we both stood and waited for an opening to get off, hearing the feet of people get off and walk into school.

As we both got into the school, walking by each other's sides like we were something more, yet as friends at the same time. Me, him, all of our friends hung around our lockers before school started, and we've been doing that so long I don't even remember how it started.

"Yo, there you guys are! We've been waiting for you two," Ken quietly shouted to us across the hall as we walked closer, to the point where we were in front of them all, greeting each other with friendly smiles.

"Isn't that Stans?" Clyde asked me, pointing to the jacket surrounding my torso.

My throat choked up, looking down at what I was wearing, "uh- yeah-"

Stan put his arm around my shoulders in a way no one else could and pointed to me, "Yeah! Don't you think it looks better on him?"

My face burned while Clyde put his hand on his chin and watched my appearance, "Mmmm- no. You just look super ugly in it I think," he eyed Stan.

When I heard him say that; Stan looked ugly. I was confused on how you can call the most beautiful person in the world ugly. Stan was far from ugly, on the inside and outside, he was utterly astonishing.

The safety I felt with his arm around me vanished as he let go to punch Clyde's arm, "Fuck you! You wish you looked as good as me-"

I watched him stop pushing words out of his mouth, his eyes getting caught across the hallway, his pupils dilating in an instant. Turning my view to what he was staring at, I saw an elegant girl with black hair.

My heart cracked as I went back to Stans's eyes, seeing him watch her as she walked by.

He looked mesmerized, his face getting pink, his nose shaking, yet his entire body was frozen. I've never seen him do that before, not to me, not to anyone. I felt like I was dropped down a well that never ended, my emotions revolving faster than a gun.

"Who's that...?" Stan asked blatantly, still having his eyes stuck on the girl, even though she was practically miles away by now.

Ken turned around and followed stan's eyes, "Oh- that's Wendy Testaburger... pretty sure she's new. She's always lived here though- just moved schools I guess..."

"Oh..." he blinked for the first time since he saw her and looked back at Ken, "Wait what's her name again?"

—

I was already Halfway through the day and I couldn't stop thinking about what happened this morning; Stan giving me his sweater... saying I looked good in it- and then only a little bit after that, he gave me a unifying feeling of pain. Watching him look at someone like that made so much jealousy erode for someone I didn't even know, and knowing that it was ruthless.

That view of him with his attention so far away for someone else kept replaying in my head as I walked from one of my classes to another. I kept my head down with my arms crossed, feeling the thick polyester between my folded arms.

Not seeing where I was going- I budded heads with someone of light posture, making me drop the binder being held with my folded hands, "Ow... oh shoot-" they said quickly and got on their knees, picking up my things for me.

I rubbed my head gently and also got down on my knees, picking up the remaining paper left on the darted floor.

"I'm so sorry- It was my fault... I wasn't looking where I was going," they said while getting out of their crouching position, waiting for me to stand along with them.

I stood, "No- it was my-" I finally looked them in the eyes for the first time. It was her. It was the girl. The girl that got something out of Stan by just walking by.

She tilted her head and raised her thick eyebrows, "...You ok?"

I straightened my back and widened my eyes, remembering my situation, "Uh- yeah... sorry. Thanks." I grabbed the paper she was handing out to me as I watched her concerned face turn into a sweet grin with her eyes winced close.

Her smile was contagious.