Broken Reality

Broken Nightmares

Hope

The corpse shot up. And by the corpse I mean Alex. Alex had sat up so fast from his sleeping position that I nearly jumped. Elijah did jump.

Alex, contrary to Hazel, had woken up frightened. He was shaking in fear. He wasn't as curious as Hazel was. He was gloomy and his eyes darted around like he was waiting for someone to jump out and grab him. Or maybe it was like he had lost something. Whatever it was, the expression stuck on his face was one I recognized.

So many times had I seen that expression on little kids. Little kids, that suffered from nightmares. It doesn't sound serious, but that's because we're older. We've gotten used to the false fear. We wake up knowing it was never real.

Kids don't know that difference. The fear they feel lingers for a long time after they return to the waking world. Their imaginations are so vast that they convince themselves their nightmares could come to life. They don't always know the difference between reality, dreams, and nightmares. Sometimes, one becomes the other.

Which is why it pained me to do anything except comfort him. I'd been in and out of his shoes. I would not do anything to make him feel worse. Even if that meant losing our chance at answers.

I gently wrapped my arms around him. I didn't say anything and I didn't need to. When actions are genuine they usually say more than words do. I hugged him and didn't let go until he pulled away first. I gave him what I would have wanted. What I did want and never got.

And despite desperately needing answers, I refused to question Alex. I don't know if Elijah agreed with my decision, but he didn't verbalize that he didn't. And anyway, it wouldn't have mattered what he thought. The decision was made.

In the time I spent alone with Elijah, I did not find comfort in his presence. Maybe it was the panic that lingered in the air. Maybe it was the fear that kept my heart racing. Maybe it was my focus on the kids. Or maybe it was just instinct. Whatever it was, I couldn't find it in me to trust him or open up to him.

I had nothing against him. Don't get me wrong. I just wouldn't consider him a friend of mine. He was a stranger; an acquaintance at most.

I started to remember all the times Annalise and I would talk about Daniel and Elijah, and how she would tell me not to go anywhere close to them. How they played with girls like they were toys. That they treated people with little to no respect.

I admit, when I first got to Elric, I was drawn in their direction. When I saw them, I saw myself. They shined among the robots that Elric created of all others. And now I was starting to understand why Annalise had warned me.

It took me about ten minutes to convince myself it was okay to leave Alex with Elijah for a few minutes. I had long before decided it would be okay to bring Hazel back. Yelling for her was not something I wanted to do.

I walked to the front of the plane and entered with my head down. I looked at the floor as I walked. Entering rooms that were already full of people always made me queasy.

I stopped at the door and slowly looked up. Annalise was already glaring at me. She was never good at glaring and her expression looked more like a pout. I nearly smiled out of amusement.

"Mad?" I asked her jokingly though it came out more serious.

Sometimes I wondered if Annalise trusted me as much as I thought she did. Or as much as I trusted her. Could she fake it? Would she fake it? These were the thoughts that invaded my mind when I was alone with my thoughts for too long. Deep down I think I just always feared being manipulated, betrayed, and someday forgotten.