our esctastic devotion

chapter 10

Stephanie 28
Sebastian 30

Stephanie

I didn't wanna be vulnerable. My image wouldn't fit as an insecure lady who is in love with a guy she fell for in her silly teens and ends up crying everytime she thinks of him being with another woman.

I conflicted as the times of the galaxy stars before I laid the question in front of him.

I'd never ask that. To any motherfucker. Never. But the slightest chance of me knowing what ever I saw was just an illustration was what my heart wanted.

The moment he declined my heart was at ease. I stare at his dark irises.

" Earth to Stephanie" he says smiling.

" Im on top of the world, it's a different type of high and I don't wanna come down ." I admit .

" Looks like there's alot in your heart" he says while tucking my hairs behind my ears. His eyes sparkling with admiration and love. " I'll be on ears for that, just not now. I wanna look at you to my heart's content ".

My eyes tear up.

"No" he demands." I won't bear seeing a tear in your eyes love. Not now, not ever".

  I lose my breath in his aura, my mind feels at ease but my soul finds home. I don't wanna part with this man. I just can't . Not now. Not ever.

  I lift my hands to cup his face. My fingers wrapping around his jaw , framing the veins riding up his neck .

   Suddenly I stop my trails. I stare into his dark irises and my heart feels numb. My father raised me to be a lioness to his side , would me giving in the moment a guy came to me mean that I've just let go of my self esteem?

     A month earlier if I had looked at his face would I  want to be with him again?

   No. Yes I support this lovely man who holds my heart but it was his job to make me feel secure.

      Do I feel secure right now? No.

    Then I won't be afraid to walk out . My love for him is infinite. The vanity my soul indulges with him by my side is crazy .

        Perhaps I waited way longer than a woman was asked to and now I'm not gonna wait and let him just have me.

    " Put me down" I demand . The sudden change in my voice confuses his braincells. His eyebrows fly up to his hairline , he stares as if I've grown two heads.

    " Pardon?"

    " Put me down" I repeat. Contemplating he places me down and waits for me to come into motion. Hand still resting on my lower back while looking for answers .

    "Sebastian . Our relationship is dead. You put this on the ventilator and it is out of oxygen. "  The words leave my mouth putting in a concerned expression on his face.

     I start to move towards the door as he grabs hold of my wrist , pinning it besides my head on the same door .

    " What the hell are you talking about? You just said u wanted me" he says . His face dangerously close to mine. His lips snarls ,the grip on my wrist turning tighter . My stomach churns as  I feel nauseas.

     " I didn't hear you saying yes when I asked you if you want me out of this damn room. You didn't push me off when I kissed you. The fuck is this?" He frustrates.

     It reminds me of myself , 23- year old Stephanie. Unaware of what's going on in her life , questioning her choices if the man she loves would really come back to her .

   "What did u say when you left? 5 years? It's been almost a decade. Do you even care of where I've been? No contacts no nothing. I'm not an easy woman Sebastian. And if you think you can have me just like that you fucking wrong." I said snapping back at him, pushing his hand past mine.

I turn back holding the doornob, his hands hold mine preventing me from leaving.

  " I'm sorry, I know it took me longer than ever and I -"

    " It's done" i complete the phrase for him. Looking back to meet his eyes , he looks furious, agitated and lost.

   " You've taken me for granted, I won't stand that" making the statement I leave the room. I just lashed at the love of my life. I've been through hell. He didn't choose me, he didn't choose to be in touch with me. And now it's over.