Save Me

Chapter Seven

It's Thursday. I want to scream just thinking about it. Tonight will be another night of hell. Another night of pain, of screaming, of begging.

At least I know what to expect. Belt. Yeah, it hurts like hell, but I have to admit, I prefer this to Sunday nights. Those are the nights when I don't know what's coming. A whole new world of pain to be introduced to.

At least it's morning. Still plenty of time before my inevitable beating.

I stand in front of the mirror. Look into those bright green eyes. Stare at my somehow perfect, light brown curls. Lick my full lips. I see beauty.

I laugh out a sound that you would hear people from asylums make. I wonder why I was given such a pretty body, for it to just be beaten to a pulp.

Sometimes I wonder if the world is looking down at me and laughing. Watching gleefully, as I run around helplessly. I probably look like a hamster running in a round cage that has no end.

When I was younger, maybe 11, I used to hurt myself. I did it for attention. I would cut my wrists and wait until my parents saw the marks. I was struggling with my school life. I had no friends and I wanted to show people how I was feeling. I was a stupid idiot kid who didn't know I had just destroyed my future.

When my parents saw it, they got me a therapist. I hated her, but that's not the point. I got over the whole self-harm thing after around 8 months. They took me out of therapy and that was that, a thing of the past, or so I thought.

Shortly after Ben and Mom died and my father started hurting me, I called the police and told them what was happening. I was done getting punished for something that wasn't my fault. He would pay for what he did to me.

Two police came to the house, one woman and one man. They started asking my father questions. I was told by the female officer to go to my room.

I spent most of the night thinking about where I would get sent to. Maybe a nice foster family. Oh! Maybe even my fun aunt Shelly. The possibilities were endless and I was ecstatic. Anywhere other than here would feel like heaven.

I thought for sure that my father was going to jail.

I got bored and decided to try to overhear their conversation. I went to the top of the stairs and sat down, letting my feet rest on the top step. My elbows came down onto my knees and my head was held in my hands. I strained my ears to hear what they were saying.

That was the first minute that I gave up hope. That was the first minute of the many to come. I gave into the darkness that awaited me. I accepted defeat. My heart was shattered by what I heard.

My father told the officers that I had done it to myself. That I had hurt myself. He told them about my therapy records, and how I used to self-harm. He said that I was sad and angry about my mother's and brother's deaths and was trying to find a way to cope. That I wanted someone to blame for everything and chose him. He said that I was angry at him for some reason and wanted to get away.

The police left and sure enough, they found the therapy records. They concluded that I was doing it to myself. They dropped the case and never came back to it.

I never dared to tell anyone about my father ever again, because that night was the worst night of my life. He was furious at me.

All while yelling at me, he first strangled me half dead, then when I was on the floor gasping for air, he started kicking me. Head, stomach, back, head, stomach, back, head, stomach, back. Over and over, until I passed out from the pain.

That night hurt me, that night silenced me, that night destroyed me.

***

I am Just about to leave the house when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I already know it's one of the guys because they are the only people I have on my phone. I have to make sure my father never sees that I have their contacts. He was very clear about the 'no friends' rule. He really does try to make my life hell.