Explícale.

Prologue.

"Caye, come downstairs! The new neighbours stopped by to say hi!" my mom yelled from the kitchen. I was playing with my dolls but had been excited about meeting our new neighbours all week. Ever since I had seen the family move in, I had been thrilled to meet their children. Giggling, I made my way down the stairs with my favourite doll in my hand. I was 11 and there were barely any other kids living in our street that were the same age. When I jumped down the last few steps, I was greeted by a woman with a toddler clinging to her arm. The little boy was no older than three or four. To her left there was a man smiling down at me, a boy around my age was standing between them, trying to hide behind his father. To their right, there was a boy slightly older than me, he was wearing glasses and didn't pay me any attention since he was holding a gameboy in his hands. "Benito, baja el juego." the woman told him with a firm voice. The boy nodded and put the gameboy into the bag she had brought. "Debes ser Cayetana, un placer." she then said turned towards me and held out her hand. My parents were standing next to me with my little brother already holding out his own gameboy towards the two boys in front of us.

As we were growing older, Bernie, Benito, Luís and I hung out frequently. I had gotten especially close to Benito because our shared interest in music, video games and going to the beach almost every day. I was 15, Benito was 18, when one fateful night, I realised that I had developed a crush on him but I didn't want to say anything because I considered him my best friend. Benito wasn't stupid and he, of course, had noticed my behaviour. We were at the beach, celebrating because the next day was my birthday. Bernie, him and some other friends had organised a small party for me with a bonfire. Benito was sitting next to me, watching the fire while the others were playing beer pong by the water. At that time there was a boy at school who frequently came over because he had a crush on me and since I thought I would never stand a chance to be with Benito, I had given him a chance. "No me gusta tu novio." (I don't like your boyfriend.) Benito started, then took a sip from his beer. "¿Porqué?" (Why?) I asked a little surprised. "Porque él no es bueno para ti." (Because he's not good for you.) he gave back and looked at me. "Es simpático y me trata bien." (He's nice and treats me well.) I said and leaned back in the chair I was sitting on. Benito shook his head and sipped on his bottle again. "No es honesto contigo y no me gusta cómo te cosifica." (He's not honest with you and I don't like how he objectifies you.) he told me quietly. I didn't know it back then but he wasn't protective because I was his friend, he was acting like that because he had been crushing on me too. Thinking back, I should've seen the jealousy but instead I hadn't. When Samuel broke up with me days later, the first person I wanted to see was Benito who - even though he was busy studying for his final exams - made some time to comfort me. "Lamento no haberte escuchado." (I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you.) I mumbled into his hoodie when he hugged me.

Benito threw a party when he graduated. We both had a lot of alcohol and when we were dancing to some old Daddy Yankee songs, I couldn't help but grind on him. Very much to my surprise, he didn't stop me, instead he turned me around and did something I would've never imagine to happen - he kissed me. From that moment on we were dating and then he went to college. I wasn't happy about not being able to see him all week but we somehow managed to make our relationship work. It was nothing more than a sweet puppy love. One day, he wanted to talk to me when he was home. He confessed that he had met someone and that his feelings for me had changed. My whole world fell apart on that day. Shortly after, my parents decided to move to New York and so we did. Although I did not want to leave Puerto Rico, I felt like I needed that. After the break up, Benito had started going out excessively, drinking sometimes even during the day and dragging off girls every night. I had watched him do so when he was home and it broke my heart even more. When we moved away, all I got was a handshake and an awkward smile. I moved on with my life in New York as much as I could. My heartache slowly faded over the years but whenever I saw him on TV or one of his posts popped up on my suggested page on Instagram, it hurt just as much as it did when I was 17. Within the 10 years I had graduated, had gone to college and had started working as a journalist. I had dated every now and then but nothing had ever given me the feeling that Benito had which was probably the reason why I often ended up with men that were doing the bare minimum.