Loving 4: a second generation boys of Tommen book

o n e

Sophia:
It's my first day at my new school, Tommen College, after moving down from dublin after a huge blow out fight with my parents, they thought Royce College was a bad fit for me.

What they don't realise is that they are the bad fit for me.

Living in that house with two people who hate each other, where no one speaks to me is my hell.
My parents loved each other and were happy, until I came along, and they blame me for it, they should've never been parents, I shouldn't have to be hated by the people who are meant to love me the most.

They think moving us down the country will magically make us happy, they're idiots, rich idiots who did good enough in school to land them high-paying jobs, my fathers rugby career didn't work out for him, which I know eats him alive everyday, that he wasn't good enough, that he'll never be good enough, you'd think that would push him to be good at other things, like being a father, but nope. I don't think you can even call him a father, if all he does is wallow around in his life pouring his angers and depression into the people around him.

I look at myself in the mirror in my new uniform, similar to my old one.

On my way out of the house I spot my mother and father sitting at the kitchen counter. I look over to them wishing they'd say anything. But no, not even a goodbye or a "good luck on your first day".

I do it to myself, I don't know why I expect them to suddenly start parenting me, they barely ever have, not even when I was a young child, they left it up to my nana, who gladly took up the job of raising me, until I turned ten, and she was diagnosed with cancer, it was caught late and had already spread too far to save her, she went under treatments and surgeries, I knew she was only doing them for me, but it didn't matter, the next year she passed away, and that was the end of my being parented.

I take care of myself now.