i'll lay you to rest (give me ten days)

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[ i. even when everything comes crashing down, i'll sit next to you ] [D-10]

yusuf sits down.

his hand trembles when he reaches for her wrist on the blanket, suddenly more frail and bony than he ever thought it to be, the veins more visible and outlined.

has it always looked like this?

pushing down the bile rising in his throat, he brings her wrist up to his ear, listening desperately to the low, slow beat. closes his eyes and listens. he tries to shut out all the brimming thoughts and listens.

it's inevitable, nevertheless. when you've been told your wife is dying, it's only normal that's all you can think about.

"we're sorry," "there's nothing we can do," "few more weeks".

letting out a shaky breath, he looks at her. he doesn't think he can do without her. how is he supposed to go on, move on from this?

hands still unsteady, he brushes a strand of hair away from her face, his thumb rubs on her eyebrows, careful.

soon as the nurses finally step out after setting everything up, he buries his head into the blanket, clings to her hand and cries.

--

[ ii. let's not start with our goodbyes, yet. ]

when the light outside has dimmed and the sun has long left the sky, yusuf feels a slow hand flitting through his curls, and sits up abruptly.

his heart beats loudly in his ears, countless emotions flashing through him in waves.

he tries to smile, "hi, how are you feeling?"

she smiles back, tired, "hi, you."

arwa places a hand on his cheek, thumb wiping on the dry tears. he moves his hand to rest on top of hers and closes his eyes.

he feels cold. every breath arwa is taking feels like it ought to be the last one, he can't help the unfamiliar feeling of dread and fear swirl in his chest, feels it rise to his throat with an overwhelming force.

"few more weeks."

he swallows, pained, and opens his eyes, allows himself to smile at the way arwa peers up at him, eyes watering with the stinging effort of keeping it open, "sleep. i'll be here." let's talk later. "i'm not going anywhere."

something that he meant to say lightly sits heavy in the air. he's not going anywhere, he doesn't plan to. with what they know, it just happens to carry a different meaning.

he hates that, he thinks. he gets a distinct, disturbing feeling that everything he or she says from now on would feel like a goodbye.

it's death, after all. they'd never know.

"i know." she replies, softly, links their fingers together and lets it rest beside her.

--

they fall asleep like that. yusuf's position similar to how it was before he woke. arwa on her side, hand twitching absently on top of curly, black locks.

--

[D-9]

the next morning, yusuf slips back home after sunrise to change and pack some necessities for arwa. calls his friends while doing so, listens to their soft words of comfort, kind questions about if he requires their presence, cause if so, they'll fly over immediately, really, yu.

mei, their cat, pads over to him. rubbing her face on his ankle, hissing stubbornly till he scoops her up so she sits on his shoulders.

she nips at his ear then, as if to ask where arwa was. he finds himself smiling, heart grey.