Life.

Expectations.

Parents usually love their kids. Their kids usually love them, too.

I love my parents and they love me, just like any other typical family.

Only..

the expectations. 

Piling down on me with just a few sentences. Always there. 

"You look just like your mother."

"You know, your mother is a bookworm too."

"You act just like your mom!"

"Awww, she's going to be just like her mother when she's older!"

"Aren't you good at math? Your mom is."

"Sorry, I meant [irl name], not [mom's name]. You're just so much like her."

I love my mom, but I hate hearing things like that, I hate it so much. I'm me, so much different from Mom. I'm my own person, not a miniature copy of my mother. But nobody sees that. 

So I do everything she did.

I'm in the band, I'm in marching band, I read and I write, I yell at people just like she would, I do well in school, I'm quiet as I can be, I try to be polite about everything. I'd never do something she wouldn't do. 

I need to be just like her. Which means, cis and straight. I don't want to be, but it feels like I have to, even if I'm half-out.

I must. 

I have to.

I have to live up to the expectations.