The thick canopy of the trees surrounding the narrow forest road made the landscape look like a tunnel rather than a path. A brief glimpse at the trees gave one the feeling that they were watching, judging you, but from the corner of your eye all that you could see were faint shadows even though it was dark outside and the only things lightening up the road ahead, other than the dim shine of the stars, were the headlights.
The moon was barely visible through the trees, casting pale beams throughout the path. The stars, however, were in sharp contrast to the shadows that covered the forest floor. The night sky was filled with the brightest and most vibrant jewels of light imaginable, twinkling and sparkling in all matter of colors.
A gentle breeze flowed through my hair as the moon's light filtered through the trees, casting a dim luminescence across the road.
The soft music playing on the radio was soothing me, making my eyelids beg me to close them. But the thoughts plaguing my mind were far too stronger than the peace washing over me.
The music faded away. I could feel the forest breathe and the trees shift in the wind.
My thoughts, like a torrent of water rushing down a mountain, flooded my head. I felt like I was drowning and struggling to stay above it all but I continued being dragged deeper into it. It was as if the raging waves of a sea in a storm were threatening to pull me under completely.
Where was I headed?
Not just in that God forsaken road but in this endless labyrinth of a world.Could I ever defeat the Minitour within and go beyond or was I cursed to get beaten down and get shattered underneath the weight on my shoulders?
The bull headed monster in my heart lied in wait, hidden deep inside my chest beneath layers upon layers of thoughts, doubts, and emotions. Once peeled away, the creature would be left exposed and once exposed, easy to overpower.
Was I even in control?
I though of all the millions of billions of random choices I've made. How each and every one of them brought me closer to my so called destiny. What if none of that was ever random? What if my life was nothing but a plan playing itself out perfectly? What if free will was truly an illusion? What if what I've experienced, the battles with myself, the losses, have all been laid out like some sick and twisted script?
My heart sank considering all the implications this would make. Am I nothing more than a puppet in this deviant show? I didn't want to believe that this was the case. I was a person with goals, dreams, and aspirations. Being powerless wasn't an option.
A bump in the road made me flinch and snap out of my reverie after what felt like an eternity. The bump was followed by a sharp turn, as if the thoroughfare was trying to escape the claustrophobic forest that lined it.
I failed to realize the wetness of my cheeks, having been lost in myself for so long.
I took a deep breath in, repeating to myself that entertaining these thoughts would only consume my reality.
The sun slowly began to rise from its slumber behind the horizon, bathing the world in a soothing light that warmed the air. The forest started to thin out, letting a small portion of sunlight to break into the car. The sky gradually changed from an inky black dome to a brilliant blue as the rays crept over.
The radio is still playing in the background but the music seems like a distant memory now. The darkness inside me is still lingering and the beast inside is still waiting for the perfect time to strike. I wipe away the tears streaming from my eyes with my sleeve, not allowing myself to wallow in self-pity even if my entire life was preordained by an unseen force.
For now, all I can do is continue the long journey and push forward in this corrupted and uncertain path...
