𝐏𝐀𝐏𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒 | ❝ I will always find you. ❞
Everyone can turn into something great, at least that's what Jordan St. John sincerely believes with his whole heart. He chooses to see the best in people. He chooses to save lives. He choos...
PAPER TIGERS CHAPTER FOUR ─ DEFINITELY NOT A DATE. SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT, THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE. BARRY ALLEN'S DO-OVER.
TRIGGER WARNINGS: Side character suicide attempt and talk of suicidal ideations requiring emergency medical services, blood, minor description of self-inflicted wounds; in PART 2. Read with your own discretion.
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1
LAST NIGHT AT HOME, Jordan had determined he would make time to do a morning workout every shift he works, just to chase that same feeling which had washed over him the day before. He likes feeling as if nothing can touch him. It was an addicting sentiment. Which is why as soon as he gets to Station 144, Jordan beelines straight for the gym at the back of the bay.
He starts with bodyweight exercises, pushups and squats and jumping jacks to get his heart working hard. He pushes himself until the right muscles burn and he knows they'll ache the next day.
Growing up, Jordan had always turned to exercise and extracurricular activities like track or soccer to fill his after-school evenings. He loved his momma but during high school, with all of his shifting hormones and bodily changes, he had wanted his own space. To work through those things. To find out what he was made of. So Jordan made sure to do everything he could to keep a busy schedule. And any time things started to get difficult in his life whether it was his feelings of guilt or something as simple as car trouble, he inevitably turned his frustrations to the gym.
This morning, it was the guilt.
He grunts, putting more effort into the last set of pushups as sweat drips from his forehead onto the mat beneath him.
Laughing with Barry, enjoying himself for even that small moment a few days ago, left Jordan racked with shame. Shame for being able to smile and forget Gabriel for those few minutes. His momma was right, his purpose was to keep going because his best friend couldn't. Anything else was a distraction. Anything else that was for Jordan himself was wrong.
As long as you continue to help others, you do so with him by your side.
He continues to pump out pushups, the fire in his veins and arms only fueling him to keep going and to push harder. He's lost count of how many he's done by now but it didn't matter.
That is your purpose.
Momma was right.
But there was still that small part of him that spoke in protest, that remembers the blue of Barry's eyes and the way he got flustered just talking with Barry. Why'd he have to get like that? Not only was it embarrassing but it made Jordan look stupid. He didn't want to look stupid. Especially in front of someone as smart as Joe's son.
Jordan gets up, arms shining with a sheen of sweat. He's breathing hard as he watches himself in the mirror wall in front of the free weights. Absent-mindedly, he flexes his delts and catches his breath.
