Except one

Tough

I wake up very early because of the adrenaline in my body. I am very tense because of the important match against Chelsea today. I want to beat them. I need to beat them. I went downstairs at around 5 AM and made myself a coffee. I sit on the balcony, looking at the sun rise. I have music in my ears, Taylor Swift playing.

Lucy and Ona join me on the balcony with a coffee and I take out my AirPods. We are all quite silent and in our own minds, thinking about the upcoming game. At 12 PM we arrive at the Olympisch Stadion Lluís Companys. I smile at the admin camera and walk into the changing room. I see Alexia talking with Aitana and she seems down. I ignore it and talk to Esmee.

We put on our pre match jersey and around 13 PM we get out on the field to start our warm up. The stadium is very full and I love the feeling. I love the feeling of playing for all these people, to make them happy, to make them proud. Of me and this club.

13:30 PM KICKOFF. I am right back as Lucy is on the bench. As well is Alexia. We fight the whole first 35 minutes. We try making opportunities, but can't get through and have a bit of bad luck with the missed shots. In the 40th minute, we lose ball control in the midfield and Erin Cuthbert takes control over the ball. She shoots and there it is. The moment my heart stopped. I stand there with my arms beside my body. I feel like crying. I feel like punching something, someone.

The first half ends and we all walk into the changing room again. I sit down and drink from the cold water we got. Jona explains all sorts of things and gives us things to pay attention to in the second half. We get back out there and I feel angry. And when I'm angry, I start making stupid fouls. The second half begins and Barca is way more dominant now. We have ball possession the whole time, the goal just won't fall. I have the ball on the side line and a Chelsea player pushes me to get the ball. I fall on the ground and hit the ground with both my fists. I stand up and stand in front of the Chelsea player.

''Who do you think you are huh? Keep your fucking hands off me''

The ref runs to us and pulls us apart. The Chelsea player gets a yellow card and I get ready to take the free kick. I take the shot and Graham almost headed it in, but the keeper just got it with her fingertips. The game continues and Barca are still in possession of the ball. In the 63rd minute, Alexia gets subbed on. Ona goes off for Lucy. Alexia isn't completely in the game, her head somewhere else. In the 90+9th minute, Alexia has a huge change to make it 1-1 but misses with a centimeter or so. The game ends and I storm off the field.

!!AITANA BONMATI HER PERSPECTIVE!!

I was talking with Alexia in another room. Alexia is crying. She is not how she normally is; she is afraid. Alexia is never afraid. She doesn't believe anymore for some reason. I think to myself; Alexia is tougher than I am. Why can I take it and Alexia can't? And then I knew, Yazmin was the only thing Alexia loved. And now, Yazmin was gone. Alexia leaves the stadium and drives home. I change and also head to my apartment. In there, I lay in bed while feeling fucked.

!!YAZMIN CORTA HER PERSPECTIVE!!

When I lose a big game, or normal game, I get closed off like this. I put my music in and ignore everyone. I change while being extremely mad, furious even. I am on the edge of tears the whole time, but hold them. I can't look weak. When we were all done with changing we got into the bus and back to our training facility. There, everyone goes their own way again. I walk to my car when Ona grabs my arm. I turn around and look pissed off.

''What?''

''Do you want to go to the city with me and Lucy? We are going for dinner tonight..''