"Im sorry" won't cut it anymore.

Inevitably of the past and present

It was a great day out! The weather was wonderful and for the first time in a while catnip felt hopeful as he dressed himself and looked in the mirror that looking at his ears most the other scars and all else was covered by his own fur but his ears just felt like a cruel reminder of Axe. A cruel reminder of his family. A cruel reminder of- no..he was not to think like this he would never see Axe again and it has been what felt years had it been years? He couldn't quite keep track anymore.

As the day continued forth he went out to try fish up a bite as he did so he thought about how deep the seas were and what could be in it what like a shop? He began to imagine what it would be like if some how he fished up a good dam shop. It was getting late and now and he looked over at the basket half full of fish of all shapes and sizes mackerel, herring, spart and over all it was a pretty good turn out.

He began to head home watching as his hot breath smoked up into steam from the cold his way lit by the starts waves smashing against the rocks and up the tied he continued to walk for a while and stopping outside the portal his hands tightened around his basket of fish he had meet to take it down for what he guessed to be at least 7 years before Axe showed up he pulled his free hand up and felt around his face for all the scars and burns Axe at left him as he comforted himself in knowing Axe wouldn't come back he was gone off to find his parents or whatever his goal was nowadays.

He staggered forward towards the portal the wind picked up a little bit brushing against his fur he ran his paw along the right hand side of the portal quaking his mind jotting back to his family he could have done something he should have done something
it was his fault
It was his fault
It was his fault
It was his fault
It was his fault
It was his fault
It was his fault.
The guilt stabbed into him like a hot blade through butter his hands cracking the portal's outer shell as his claws pulling out his paw and farther into the shell his breath growing heavier and angrier not at the portal or his family but at himself the guilt of being unable almost as heavy as the feeling in the pit of his stomach and the depth of every anatomic micro organism that festered inside his flesh and under his once smooth now rugged fur as he began to question if it was all inevitable and no matter what he did he would still be here alone and crushed by the gravity of his own guilt.
He ripped his claws cross the portal and looked at it one more time

"Don't put off what can be done today.."
He mumbled to himself his tail flicking
"Tonight that stupid piece of shit is coming down."
He declared to himself placing the fish basket down and ripping off a part of the metal tripping back once it turned and snapped out both ends sharp enough to shoot through the portal and-
Sparks began to rise and curl and twist into a shape into a form of which took up the portals frame how was this happening? It had been shut off for what he guessed to have been years now unless someone else was..no no no no no it couldn't be he couldn't be back no he refused to let him back in. Back into his life.
He began to smash the metal pipe into its frame breaking of chunks as panic spiked and rose into his body and flooding his eyes with tears of panic but no matter how hard he hit no matter how hard he hoped and begged in his mind to whatever gods were out there denying his existence by never seeing or knowing of it to begin with and so the portal continued to grow and push it way through catnip stepping back as he heard a loud thud on the other side

Catnip slowly stepping around after a moment of hesitation pipe still in hand his tears bubbling back up into his eyes and down his face now out of hate And anger for the horribly familiar man that was a few inches away from his paws