Does it now echo in you?
That water as i drowned in pain
Your name that freezed on my lips
And a fading sob for a lost hope
Now in these papers today
Your shadow looks at me
I give my hand, are you ready to elope?
Will you?
Pete's lense
What can I ever say to heal you when I myself am a broken piece from inside Vegas. When I was made to leave your little finger that I had entangled with my thumb with all the power I had, my heart fell in shards scattered all around in that place where we stood together for the last time. The only honest part of my being chose to sacrifice and surrender itself to you and left me as if it never belonged to me. My heart wrote itself in your name and became yours leaving me hollow.
It's only now that I felt a vibration in that hollow space. When I felt a pull and push both towards the red letter box in front of my old house . Yes old because I don't live here anymore but whenever I feel I want to live our past I come here. Out of many of those days it's today that I went to open the letter box and these papers fell at my feet. The V written on it with that curvy handwriting made me feel like there is a knock and someone wants to enter that hollow in me. I knew this is your V. How could I not see these letters before? Why am I always late for your cries?
It's night now and I have been sitting at the same spot since afternoon reading the papers which have your reflection in them. I see you but you are still blurred. I hear you but you are still far from reach, I feel you but you are still so many touches away. Even after knowing the truths of our cruel fate , the broken me always ends up thinking why did we go so far away from each other. The distance is so wide that you cannot not see the eyes that are only watching you in the crowd of millions. The distance is so wide that you cannot read the lips that answer your every call despite the noise persisting around me. I have been trying to defeat all those conspirators who took me away from you Vegas. But I feel the fire extinguishing when I see you standing there feeling betrayed by me and taking your steps back. I look at you and I feel that you have already given up on us. You say you take your step back ? Do you know ? I am rather waiting for you to come to me, tearing that mob and taking me away with you.
I have been living an incomplete puzzle piece for the last three years. Yes , it has been three years since we last saw each other closely . Three years after I last shared a moment of being close to you. But there is still a part of you that I can feel with myself even today. You took a lot of me with you but I also stole a bit of you for my survival. The way you smile while taking my hands and kissing my fingers , I still feel I see that smile. Your soft breath on my collarbone still gives memories of shivers sometimes. Maybe I am becoming a blur for you but you are very much here with me Vegas.
If I was the woodpecker then you were my home that protected me and kept me warm. I had to never worry about anything when you would pull me in and give me the shelter of your body. Do you know, I wander like a homeless bird now. I am no longer shielded. People come and pluck away pieces of me leaving me to bleed. The fact is no matter where I go I am always unsafe and incomplete without you. I do have a structure made of bricks and cements that I go back to everyday but I have no one to return to. I have no place called home where someone is taking me in carefully and helping me shed all my tiredness with his tender touches. I don't have home , I don't have you.
I thought after that day, after all that you would never want to see me again but maybe I was wrong. Because your words say something else. Am I wrong to think that you also miss me? No I am not wrong. Each word carries your heart in it. You want to know if I will write you back?
I don't just want to write you back, I want to see you, smell you, touch you. I want to extend my hand to you. I want you to take me far away to a place where it's only us. Somewhere where we can lie down on the grass under the stars and talk about galaxies, draw figures in the sky, praise the silence of the night and tell each other what went wrong that made us grow apart. I want to elope with you to a place where no one can compel me to leave you. Where I can listen to all that you wanted to say to me but I didn't give you the moment for it.
Vegas, you were right . My tears have smudged your words , but I won't let them be erased. I will dry these papers and keep them clipped on my wall to see you everyday in them. And no, i won't kiss this letter that I am sending you. I won't give you my touch in it. Otherwise this story will end and i won't let it end like this. I don't want just words and papers and a blue ink between us. I want you infront of me, I want these words to have a voice, i want my hands beneath your palms. I want us to have a closure. Will you give me that?
Will you meet me?
Your Pete
