The heartwarming story of candy cane

Once upon a time there was this guy named Cand. E. Williamson Aloysius Billy Bob Edward Splicky but his nickname was Cane. Once upon a time he went to see a movie called the killer ants. It was a movie about ants who tried to kill people but failed because they are ants. So Cand. E Williamson Aloysius Billy Bob Edward Splicky thought "that movie kind of sucked. as a matter of fact it was the worst movie ever made." So the director got pissed and kidnapped Cand. E Williamson Aloysius Billy Bob Edward Splicky and put him in this machine that didn't really do anything but Cand E Williamson Aloysius Billy Bob Edward Splicky thought he felt something, so he went to the doctor who mutated him and cut his arms off, and now he looks like a candy cane. So he changed his name to Candy Cane. This story needs a subplot so once upon a time there was a woman named Ms. Armbruster who wanted a Christmas Tree. A delivery boy tried to deliver the tree to Ms. Armbruster, but when he found her she didn't want it. So the delivery boy shot her in the face. Ok, subplot over. Candy Cane did not know what to do once he became Candy Cane, but he did buy an AK-47 in hopes of it replacing his arm. Spooky Scary Jerry does not like guns, so he went to kill Candy Cane but him and his army of adorable puppy dogs and children was quickly cut down by the AK-47. So he kind of just walked away because Spooky Scary Jerry cannot die. Candy Cane liked the sensation of killing children so he killed some more and felt very happy. But the mean old police man had the gall to try and arrest him. A bunch of children gathered together to stop the mean old cop from arresting Candy Cane by tearing the cop limb by limb. Candy Cane Thanked the kids by killing them. He then sang a song which was so horrible that everyone in town committed suicide. Candy Cane was saddened by this. He was so saddened that he learned how to fly and went to another town and killed children. Then he started killing children all around the world but then pollution man stopped him which was very sad which is why Candy Cane only kills children on December 32nd now. It is very sad.

Based on a true story