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Paroxysm

Paroxysm:(n) a sudden outburst of emotions.

21 March,2024
1:10 a.m.

"You should get some rest han" joshua said eyeing his bestfriend sitting next to him , eyes red and tired , jeonghan shook his head in response, there's no way he's resting or leaving. Jeonghan had ran his way to the hospital, crying,his husband running after him worried about what has caused this maddening action from jeonghan.

Seungcheol rubbed Jeonghan's back and looked at joshua with sympathy and pity something which the American hated wholeheartedly but this was inevitable, something joshua has seen coming from miles away, his friends looking at him with pity. "Josh you should freshen up" seungcheol said as he again scanned his appearance, the dry blood on him, seokmin's blood "I'm fine" a curt response.

The waiting lounge was filled with sniffles and crys "hyung I'm so scared what if something bad happens" minghao's muffled cry came as he hugged Junhui tightly, the older tried to calm himself down so that he could be a support for the other but all in vain as the fear in his heart kept on growing " everything will be okay,baobei you are strong right..just believe in God everything will be fine our seokmin would come  back to us" junhui softly whispered , "have you informed the others" jeonghan asked, his voice weak , as he has lost every ounce of energy.

"Yeah they all are rushing to catch their respective flights" seungcheol answered making jeonghan nod relief, jeonghan right now needed everyone to be next to him , he needed to see all of his friends in one piece , he needed all of them next to him "Mr. Hong" the doctor's voice made all the five of them rush towards him, surrounding him with numerous questions.

"Mr. Hong is out of danger-" "can i meet him, is he awake?" Joshua asked cutting the doctor off mid-sentence, Joshua's question made the doctor sighed apologeticly "about that Mr hong, umm the patient hasn't woken up yet and we can't confirm when he will he received a very heavy blow on his head which resulted in damaging his cerebrum but we have stopped the bleeding but as for him to get concious we can't say anything, it could take a day , a week  , months maybe years, in conclusion your husband has slipped into coma."

"w-what n-n-no tha-t can't happen " Joshua said , the Denial in his voice strong, this couldn't happen, no this can't happen "I'm fucking paying you million here and that's what your fucking conclusion is" joshua flared in anger grabbing onto the doctor's collar "josh-" seungcheol held joshua from the back trying to hold him back, but the former was blinded by anger, "do something ,I don't what but, wake him up or it wouldn't take me minutes to get your lisence cancelled" the threat making the surgeon shudder in fear "s-sir I'm, we are are trying our best you can't behave like this" seungcheol removed Joshua off the doctor making the team of doctors walk away from the lounge.

Joshua punched his fist on the wall , his eyes red, his heart withering in pain, he punched his fist on the wall again, again, again, again , again , again, again, again, again "stop it ,have you fucking gone mad" seungcheol rebuked , the anger and pain visible on his face and voice.

"This is all your fault" minghao screamed at joshua, the Chinese man had enough of this , his eyes filled with rage ,heart blinded by sorrow "you fucking piece of shit" minghao grabbed joshua by his collar shaking him , furiously, as if wanting to get something out of him "trashbag that's what you are, you don't deserve anything, not seokmin, no happiness, you don't deserve anything it's all your fault, all yours, because of you my seok-" minghao's screams converted to sobs , "why hyung ?, why ?" His whimpers made joshua heart clench, it was all his fault, everyone was suffering because of him , his actions has caused such misery on them, such torment, that none of them is able to handle, " i am sorry" a whisper left Joshua's lips, his eyes devoid of anything but heart heavy with guilt, regret, remorse, sorrow, any emotions which represented emptiness, grief and  self-condemnation. Is he even worthy enough to feel this.

"Hyung do something, bring him back, please do something" minghao cried , losing his balance, joshua held him , calling out junhui to console him because joshua was devoid of any consolation, he couldn't bring himself to do so.

"Go back home Josh, I'm here only come back when you are okay" seungcheol said as he led Joshua out of the waiting lounge, jeonghan trailing behind them.
Joshua let himself be guided, letting go of any control he had in himself "make sure he rest" seungcheol said to Yeonjun who opened the car door for joshua to get in.

Joshua stood there, with no motion, he didn't wanted to leave, he wanted to stay here only, with his baby, what if his seokmin wakes up and look for him...will he look for him? Will he care if joshua was there? "Joshuji..look at me" jeonghan said softly, as if coaxing a sulky five years old. Jeonghan cupped Joshua's face in his hand creasing his face , smiling, his smile telling him that everything will be okay but eyes, his eyes were filled with tears, tears of fear, nothing but fear.

"Minghao is just , he is just sad right now so don't take his words to your heart hmm, it's not your fault, it was written to happen and it did, none of us could have avoided it , so don't you dare drown your self in self hatred and guilt because seokmin needs you , we all need you , so go back home take a bath, eat something and get some sleep and come back here as soon as you can."

Jeonghan's words were warm and held nothing but pure care and love for him but it didn't change the fact that somewhere he was at fault. Joshua looked outside the car window as the familiar four-storeyed house came into view, their home.

Joshua took slow steps, taking in the surrounding of their once warm , cozy house , filled with seokmin's giggles and chatters it all felt so cold , inhospitable, gloomy, unwelcoming, he felt unwelcomed in his own house as if the walls , the tiles, doors , curtains everything around him was telling him to get out, to scram.

A thunder emerged, breaking the chains of thoughts that joshua was binding himself in , it seemed like the power has cut off , everything was pitch black just like his life. Gloomy.

He took heavy steps upstairs towards their room, hoping he would hear something, smell something, feel something, something similar to his husband, something which would keep him sane . As he opened the door to their room he was met with the most beautiful scenery, his husband laughing, smiling happily in love , with joshua hands around his hips as he looks at seokmin with a soft smile, with tender eyes, they were both cladded in matching suits differing in colour, joshua looked around founding more snapshots of their memories that they have made together.

He picked up a small frame, capturing seokmin's graduation. In the photo seokmin was showing his doctorate degree to Joshua while the older looked at him with adoration. Joshua held the frame near his chest breaking down in rivers of pilled up emotions , clutching on the frame tightly.

Creasing the frame , he kissed seokmin's pictur "I love you the most, i know I'm not the man you deserve but please don't punish me like this, punish me all you want but just come back to me , punish when you are near to me , don't go so far that I'm unable to reach to you , if it was afterlife i would have rushed to you there but you are not even there , min baby just come back to me" Joshua talked to the potrait as he cried his heart out.

Hope you all like it.
Btw i changed my username, idk why but i did.