Thoughts

Sabotaged

I could not publish poems that would rhyme at times.
I kept on thinking about nothing these days, months or years and not caring much about what to accomplish for the week or month or year.

I have written down things that I wasn't supposed to publish. These maybe are some nonsense thoughts and random memories.

I have been demonized by this envy that someone deliberately passed on to me without my knowledge.
I carry the hatred of them savoring their luxuries and fame while I mentally suffer for the envious part of them.
She keeps on envying anything and anyone.
He keeps on slicing my throat in my thoats, as if torturing me and later on making me feel as if he is into anything sexual.

The stupidity inside my head trying to control my thoughts and actions is burdening me.
The laziness that is inside makes me want to slumber all day as I am being used unknowingly for some insane reasons and intentions.

I do something and it seems as if something is re-enacting it.
What am I?
How did I end up this way?
How am I supposed to get by and live as if nothing is happening inside?