Band of Brothers Oneshots

Forgive Me

Pairings: Lewis Nixon x f!reader.                            Summary: When Lewis Nixon first met Easy Company's female medic he realised it was love at first sight and it was even better when she reciprocated those feelings. But nothing ever goes smoothly and in the forest of the Ardennes Nixon loses something dear.                                      Warnings: scenes of war, blood, injury, character death, implied sex, graphic images, hurt.    
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Y/n had never really thought she would die, it was always in the back of her mind like a nagging doubt, always ready to make itself known but in truth, she never actually thought it would be her.
Dying is messy and painful; she had witnessed enough men writhing and screaming in agony as they flailed around like a fish, gasping for air as they desperately clung to their organs that threatened to spill out, blood pooling around them like a deathly halo. Y/n had held lives in her hands, comforted them, and tried to put the many pieces of them back together. It was brutal and cruel, anyone who could romanticise death in her eyes was a fool, there was nothing romantic about it. But she never thought it would be her.
The woods of the Bois Jacques had been unusually silent, the frozen winds having ceased to disturb the trees above her, the soft crunch of her boots on the icy ground and the soft chattering from the foxholes around her was the only noise. Y/n crouched down beside an occupied foxhole, the crumpled brown cover moved and two heads poked out.
"Hey Doc," Guarnere's voice was gruff and his sleepy eyes travelled up her small frame. Babe sat beside him with a lopsided grin on his face. Both of them were consumed by exhaustion, dark purple bloomed beneath their dull eyes, hot breath leaving their chapped lips in small puffs of condensation.
"You boys doing okay?" She asked quietly, conscious of the other paratroopers trying to catch some sleep in the foxholes around them.
"Not too bad Doc, not too bad," Guarnere replied, burying his head further into the itchy brown army-issue winter coat.
"You okay, Babe?"
"Never better Doc, I'm living the dream," he joked, his cheeks rose and his signature cheeky grin graced his lips. YIn smiled at them both, despite everything, all the horrors they had seen, those two always managed to find something to smile about.
"Good," Y/n stood, groaning inwardly as her knees clicked, joints crunching as she tried to straighten them. She felt old. She joined the paratroopers as a young woman but she'd be leaving the Ardennes at least 20 years her senior.
Y/n continued her walk through the forest, passing Eugene on her way through, her fellow medic gave her a sympathetic smile, his eyes glassy as if he wanted to cry but couldn't quite bring himself to show it. Y/n felt for Gene, she understood how he felt, the pain and agony that rested silently behind his eyes like a constant reminder of the tragedies they had endured.
The CP was ahead of her, in a small wooden shack that housed the battalion CP in the forest.
Dick Winter's characteristic red head could be seen moving around, a flash of colour in the otherwise monochrome landscape. She waved as she approached and Dick nodded to his left.
"He's over there," he motioned, knowing exactly who she had come to see. Y/n sent him a small, appreciative smile before continuing over to his foxhole. She lifted the flap and slipped down beside him, a small smirk on her lips as she gazed upon his sleeping form. The creases that normally settled between his eyebrows had been smoothed out, his ebony hair was ruffled and unkempt and his face was littered with stubble compared to his normally clean-shaved look. His large winter coat hugged him closely and Y/n couldn't help but admire the soft snores that escaped from his lips.
"Hey Lew," she nudged his shoulder gently.
"Lew?"
He groaned, causing Y/n to let out a small giggle as he scrunched his face in disgust from this intrusion on his sleep. She ran her hand over his stubbled cheek, coaxing him from his slumber.

"Y/n?" He mumbled sleepy, his voice thick and raspy and ever more sexy than normal. "What are you doing here, Love?" He propped himself up, gripping hold of your shoulders and pulling you into his chest. You hummed appreciative of his warmth.
"I just wanted to see you," she whispered, nuzzling her cold nose into his neck, causing him to gasp at the sudden intrusion.
Lewis placed his lips to her forehead, pressing his nose into her hair and inhaling deeply. Lewis Nixon, the light of her life. He never failed to make her smile, make her feel safe, and make her feel loved. Y/n lost count of how many nights Lewis had spent with his hands wrapped tightly around her thighs as he made love to her. The fleeting ghosts of a kiss that they stole when no one was looking. His hand brushed against hers during briefings. His smile never failed to take her breath away.
"I missed you," he pouted, his dark eyes resembling those of a puppy.
"But you saw me a few hours ago," she protested, laughing at the grown man's hurt expression.
"But I want to be with you all the time. I love you," Lewis admitted sheepishly. It's not like you hadn't said 'I love you' before, but Lewis was a man of actions more than words when it came to Y/n, he showed her that he loved her nearly every minute of every day but he very rarely confessed his feelings, instead choosing to give her a breathtaking kiss, or an especially long hug.
"I love you too," she admitted, placing her lips to his for a few seconds. Lewis' hand managed to wrap its way into her hair, pulling her close as his tongue began dancing along her lips. He pulled her up into his lap so she could straddle him, pulling her impossibly close. Y/n groaned as Lewis began to knead her thighs with his large hand.
"Lewis, we can't. Not here," Y/n mumbled against his neck as she placed hot, open-mouthed kisses on his exposed flesh.
"Why not," Lewis groaned, moving his hips inwards slightly to meet hers.
A sudden earth-shaking explosion caused them to pull apart, breathlessly staring at each other as another mortar shell hit. Shouts from outside the foxhole caused (y/n) to scramble to her feet.
"MEDIC!"
"No Y/n, I won't let you go out there. It's too danaerous." Lewis pleaded. arabbina onto the dangerous," Lewis pleaded, grabbing onto the sleeve of her coat, and pulling desperately at the fabric.
"I have to go, Lew, it's my job. I'll come back to you, I promise. I always do." She threw herself forward into his arms, giving him one last kiss before she disappeared into the forest. Lewis watched in horror as she fled into the exploding forest, artillery rounds hitting the trees causing them to erupt into the air, splintering into thousands of pieces that fluttered to the ground like confetti. The explosions seared the air and earth in a way that left it devoid of life,
obliterating everything in its wake. Dick dived into the foxhole beside Lewis.
"Where's Y/n?" He shouted over the artillery barrage.
"She went out there," Lewis all but sobbed.
"Somebody was calling for a medic."
Dick gave Lewis a sympathetic look as both men watched in horror as the forest floor erupted beneath the paratroopers feet. Nothing in basic training could have ever prepared them for this.
Y/n sprinted through the forest, trees erupting beside her, sending shards across her path. The wailing for a medic continued and despite the chaos surrounding her and the thrumming of her heart loudly in her ears, Y/n remained calm. She had a job to do and the sooner it was done the sooner she would be back in Lewis' arms. Earth flew up into her face as the mortar round blew away the Earth before her, the sound of the explosion came with a terrible echo as if it were an anguished cry from God.
Y/n's ears were ringing, high pitched whistling filled her mind, clouding her judgment and making her movements sluggish. Her eyes watered, eyelids holding back the great floodgates as the agonising pain began to build, moving through her body like some great torrential wave, washing over her and muffling everything that surrounded her. Nothing made sense. She cried out; screaming into the nothingness. Her fingers were sticky and warm as the blood flowed from her, draining her of any feeling. The thick iron liquid filled at the back of her throat causing her to splutter, drowning in her own blood. If only someone could have heared her over the German artillery.
Lewis poked his head out of the foxhole, looking out onto the field of devastation. There was nothing left, no trees stood tall, and the snow was no longer white but stained crimson and brown.
Lewis watched as a few other heads popped up from the holes, glancing around in disbelief. They had made it through another night. Jumping up without a second thought Lewis headed away from the CP, Dick's voice calling after him as he blatantly ignored him. He needed to find her, Dick would understand but he needed to find her. He ran like a madman, stumbling, falling, and regaining his balance. He didn't care. He knew the other paratroopers were giving him sideways glances, the whispers of 'Nixon's finally lost it' followed him.
To him, it felt like an eternity until he found you but it had been mere minutes, he'd been just minutes away from her. His movements stilled when he reached her, boots skidding to a husky, scuffing up the snow.
Eugene had been the one to find her, he had bandages pressed to her side, and the once white fabric was stained a deep scarlet like the pool that surrounded her now small pale frame. Eugene had her in his lap, supported by his chest as he hugged her close, rocking her form slowly as he whispered sweet nothings.
Lewis dropped to his knees feeling all the air rush from his lungs, he gasped but nothing happened.
He'd always wondered how he would die and now he felt like he would die suffocating in the snow in Belgium. His eyes became full and heavy with unshed tears but he couldn't blink, couldn't pull his eyes away from her.
"Captain Nixon, I'm so sorry..." Eugene began, but Lewis held up his hand.
"Don't. Don't say it." He crawled closer, each movement seemed sluggish and uncalculated but he made it. Her eyes were still open, blinking up at him slowly.
"Lew.?" She began, but Lewis pulled her close to him, quieting her.
"It's okay Love, l've got you now. You're safe. l've got you."
A faint smile ghosted her lips causing Lewis' heart to clenched painfully as if someone was pulling it from within his rib cage, wrenching it from his chest. She groaned a little as Lewis tried to prop her up in a more comfortable position.
"I'm so... sorry... Lew," she spoke slowly, the blood gurgling at the back of her throat and escaping from the corner of her mouth. Lewis wiped it away quickly, placing a delicate kiss on her brow.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for my brave, beautiful girl. You don't need to apologise," he could feel the tears making their inevitable path down his cheeks, burying his windswept flesh but he barely noticed, too consumed by the utter torturous image that lay before him.
"I think I have to go, Lew," she whispered, looking up at him through hooded eyelids, her lashes fanning out her pale cheeks as she blinked slowly.
"No Sweetheart please, I need a little more time," his begging was futile, they both knew it. Lewis could see Doc Roe's hand twitch as she began to splutter, choking on her own blood.
"I'm sorry, Lew."
"I know you are Sweetheart, I know but it's not your fault. Alright? You were doing your job and you're so good at it, you're so good at it. I love you so much," Lewis placed his lips firmly to Y/n's as if he could kiss the life back into her. "It's okay if you need to go...... I'll be right here with you... always." Lewis began to choke on his words and he felt Eugene rest a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"It's okay."
And just like that the life drained from her eyes, once bright and full of hope now dull and leaving darkness in their wake. Lewis was sure he could feel her soul leaving, rising into the bright morning sky, leaving behind the horrors of the Ardennes and finally having the peace she deserved. Lewis lay her body down gently onto the pink snow, cradling her face one last time.
"Please forgive me."
He hastily removed his jacket, placing it over her delicate frame. "In case she gets cold," he muttered to Eugene as he turned to leave, his tears now falling down his face in generous streams. He couldn't bear to watch them take her away, not his Y/n, not like this. Lewis found a small, half-finished foxhole near an intact tree, its branches providing some shelter from prying eyes and he wept. It was natural to cry, it felt good to let it all go, the pain, the heartbreak, all of it. He had loved Y/n Y//n with all his heart, with all his being, his soul and yet it seemed no matter how much you love someone you can't always keep them, sometimes you have to set them free.
Dick appeared soon after the news of her death had spread. He found Lewis sitting under a tree, his usually round, jolly face was red and swollen, his chapped lip oozing blood from where he had chewed it worriedly, his hair dishevelled from where he'd run his fingers through it hundreds of times. He'd never seen Lewis like this before, never seen him so broken.

"I'm so sorry, Nix," he began but his friend only stood, shaking his head carefully.
"She's gone Dick, she's gone and l've never felt so broken," Lewis choked on his words, the hysterical sob he'd been trying to contain for the last hour gradually making its way to the surtace.
"I know she is, Nix and I understand if..."
"NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND DICK! I LOVED HER!" Lewis bellowed, his voice echoing through the shattered clearing. "I loved her and she is gone and it's broken me. I'm broken." Lewis turned away and took several steps away from his friend before he stopped. "You'll make sure she has a proper burial won't you?" At that moment Lewis Nixon resembled a small boy, his lip quivering, large chestnut eyes like large orbs staring up at his friend.
"Of course, Nix."
Lewis nodded, seemingly satisfied with Dick's answer. "Good," was all he said before he disappeared into the forest.