"Disappointment is the gap that exists between expectation and reality," -John C. Maxwell
I'm not entirely sure how all of this started.
There was a moment when I felt like I was conquering the world; with my rich intellect, I was instituted into my dream Ivy League college, Princeton. I was ecstatic about the whole thing. As much as you can assume a girl can be when they're finally allowed to pursue their dream after years.
When I was little I made a list of all the things I would do when I got into the real world, when I got to Princeton.
I made that list 10 years prior.
I first started reading classics three years after I made that list because of a quote. "You devour a book meant to be read, not because you would fill yourself or have an anxious care to be nourished, but because it contains such stuff as it makes the mind hungry to look upon," -Woodrow Wilson
This inspired me since Woodrow Wilson was the 28th president and assumingly very wise. But utmost because he also attended Princeton.
I started reading classics 7 years prior.
Following this, I made it my mission in high school to maintain a 5.0 GPA. Yes, a 5.0 as I took four weighted classes. Yes, also, I had no time for friends or any other activity that wouldn't entirely be appointed to my education.
I made my life completely revolve around school 4 years prior.
Once I got my acceptance letter I started packing. This was 2 months prior. Then I was off. I was off to start my new life. The life I had hoped would finally begin only when I got to a portion of it. What an unrealistic optimist.
I hadn't a life before I got to Princeton. I hadn't one when I got to Princeton. I spent my whole childhood looking forward to growing up but it was all the same. Princeton felt all the same as moving into a new house. As moving into a new state. It felt all the same as taking my weighted classes, nothing especially spectacular about the change because guess what? It felt all the same and no more than what the deepest doubts buried inside me feared.
I tried to cope with the disappointment by telling myself things like, "Oh, Adelaide you've only been here a week." I would say as I mopped my snobby roommates spilled, sticky drinks from the kitchen floor. "Oh, Adelaide you just need to adjust you've been here only three months." I'd say again when I quietly sat in the corner of an unknown stranger's dorm in which a party was being held. I was reading and left out of the fun that I had promised I would partake in, I promised I would have fun.
I guess I just didn't know how.
