Broken Ballerina

Chapter Six

Attached is a photo of Nina (Rosie's mum).

Christmas is meant to be a time for happiness, love, and family. To me, it's a time for stress. As I wait for the doors to my first fifth year exam to open, I knaw on my ballpoint pen and repeat my notes over and over again in my head.

The doors are soon opened by my English teacher Mrs. Green, and my whole year hurries into the large gymnasium, where the exam is being held. I scurry to the front row of seats in the far corner, and slump in the chair, and stare at the Honours Maths exam paper.

I open up the paper and glance at all of the questions. Crap. I know absolutely nothing on this exam. I slyly gaze over my shoulder to look at Nessa, who was speedily writing down on her paper and punching numbers into her calculator. I then catch a glimpse of Adam, who's scratching his head with his pencil. He soon sits up straight and continues writing. Aaron isn't here because he's on bed rest. Lucky shit. I look around the whole gym and everyone is scribbling numbers down on their exam papers, rubbing things out, or using their calculator or any geometry equipment.

I stare back down at my paper. I have to know something here. I find an algebra question and I give it a shot. Once I'm finished, I check my answer using a technique Mr. Ryan told us. Nothing added up. My answer wasn't remotely close to what it should be.

My heart starts to race. On top of everything going on in my life right now, I do not need a shitty report. Too much has happened and with Aaron in the hospital all week, I haven't gotten to study. Of course, that was my choice to visit him everyday, but it was the right one. My palms are soon wet with sweat, and I can't think straight. The whole room seems to be getting smaller and I'm getting bigger, like something you'd see in a movie. I'm panting like a dog and fanning myself because I'm so hot. Next thing I know, I'm on the floor.

-----------------------------------------------------

"Rosie?" I hear Nurse Rodgers calling softly. "Rosie are you alright? Good think I was on supervision eh?"

I open my eyes in the changing rooms of the gym, looking up at Nurse Rodgers' beaming smile.

"Hi Nurse Rodgers." I croak with a hint of a smile. "Can I go back into my exam now?"

"No no honey you have to have some water and food first. What happened to you? Are you prone to fainting?" Nurse Rodgers ushers me to the changing bench in the centre of the room and hands me a bottle of water and two snack bars.

"No." I reply, shoving the snack bar into my mouth. "Just stressed about a lot right now."

"Would you like to talk to me about it?" Nurse Rodgers asks in a comforting manor. I feel like I can really trust this woman. Jane went through a tough time in sixth year, and she was constantly having panic attacks and breakdowns. Nurse Rodgers was always there for Jane, so maybe she'd be there for me too.

I explain everything that's happened to Nurse Rodgers quickly, like a band aid. Once I'm finished, Nurse Rodgers leans against the wall, and starts combing her fingers through her silky black hair.

"Wow." She breaths. "That's a lot to handle, Rosie. How have you been coping?"

"I haven't really. I put on a brave face for other people, but when I get home I collapse on my bed and I just cry for hours." A tear makes its way down my cheek. "I should go back into my exam."

"Not now you're not, Rosie. I'll send in a not to the supervisors." Nurse Rodgers assures me. "I think we need to talk to your parents, or even you're mother."

"No no I can't." I stutter. "Mum's got so much going on now with dad and having to take care of Ben, I can't get in her way."

"Rosie, it's not fair that this is happening to you. You'll just explode." Nurse Rodgers sits down next to me. "I think you need to talk to your mum."

I shrug. "I'll think about it."

-----------------------------------------------------

When I arrive home, I stumble into the kitchen and throw my school bag on the floor. Mum's at the fridge, rummaging for food that I presume is Ben's after school snack.

"Hi mum, no one looking for you to plan their party today?" I ask, joining mum at the fridge and grabbing a can of diet coke from the door.

"Just one." Mum replies, smearing butter onto two slices of bread. "Some teenaged girl wants a zoo themed birthday party. Guess what age?"

"Sixteen?" I guess. Usually mums clients are twenty one or sixteen.

"Ten! What fucking ten year old needs a zoo themed party with one hundred guests!?"

Mum's job amuses me sometimes. It also makes me lose all my faith in humans. I laugh and sit down at the table, sipping away at my can of coke.

"How was your exam?" Mum asks, placing ham and cheese inbetween the two slices of bread.

"About that.." I begin, hesitating a bit. "I fainted during my exam and Nurse Rodgers told me I shouldn't continue."

"Oh dear Rosie what happened? What caused you to faint?"

I pause for a moment, contemplating on whether to tell mum about everything that's happening in my head right now. If I tell mum, she'll only get worried and freaked out. She doesn't need that right now. I can deal with this on my own. "Just the stress of the exams that's all."

"Oh Rosie, I know the last few months have been so difficult for you. If you need anything at all or if you want to talk, you know I'm always here." Mum sits down beside me, then she calls into the living room. "Ben, food!"

Ben comes running into the kitchen and grabs his sandwich and sits at the table with us. "Hi Rosie."

"Hi Big Ben." I smile, and take a bite out of his sandwich.

"Is there anything else going on that you want to talk to me about?" Mum asks, raising an eyebrow.

I hesitate. No, mum doesn't need my problems on top of her own. "No. I'm fine."

And we all know that's isn't true.

"What are you going to do about the rest of your exams then?" Mum asks, resting her chin on the palm of her hand. "You haven't studied all that much, Rose."

"I'm still going to do them obviously." I snap. "I just will most likely fail."

"Okay first of all, watch the attitude." Mum responds sternly, raising her index finger in the air. "Second of all, you aren't going to fail all of them."

I give my mum a confused look. "Mum, I'm literally going to fail every single one. I've barely been in school, I haven't studied, and there's just so much happening I can't even think!" I slam my elbows down on the table, causing Ben's sandwich to jump, and cup my face in my hands.

"Ben, could you go and eat that in the sitting room please?" Mum gestures to Ben, calmly. Ben quickly picks up his sandwich and scurries into the sitting room, where SpongeBob is blaring from the telly. Mum sharply turns back to me. "What is wrong with you, Rosie? I don't understand why you can't just tell me? You know I'm going through a lot too. My business is going down the toilet, my husband will be dead in six months, I have to cater for twenty people on Christmas Day which is just next week, Jane is on the verge of losing her job, Ben is having trouble in school and I'm being told by teachers that he has ADHD, and now I have you, refusing to tell me anything!" Mum lifts herself from the table and walks over to the window above the sink on the other side of the kitchen. I hear her sniffle and I know she's crying. Even though her back is turned to me, I know she's crying. "I don't want you to think you can't come and talk to me, Rosie. I can't risk losing you too."

I sigh, then lift my self up from the table and make my way over to mum. I stand just behind her and say "Life's just been hard since the accident. So many things have come up and I'm just having a hard time taking it all in and coping with it. I'll be okay mum, promise."

Mum turns around and gives me a warm hug. "We both will honey. We both will be okay."