Strength of Her Own

CHAPTER ONE

It was the end of the day, and Kaisa Wilson was packing her things up and neatening up her office, as she was a sixth grade English teacher at Harbor Middle School.

It was also, no matter how much she tried to forget, the three-year-anniversary of her older sister, Ollia's death. Of course, all her friends, despite how few she had, had assured her time and time again that time heals all wounds, things will get better as the years go by, but so far, she wasn't seeing promising results of her patience.

A voice nearby brought her out of her pensive trance.

"Ms. Wilson, I'm so glad I caught you before you could leave... " It was Mr Kenderson, the seventh grade history teacher, her colleague, and a good friend.

"Why? Is everything alright?"

"Yes, of course. I just needed to know if you'll be at the next staff meeting. Strange time, I know, but we're hiring a new math teacher for the eighth grade."

He was referring to it being October, a time when all new students and staff members are already settled in. However, it was all necessary, as for some reason this year's eighth grade class was the most insolent bunch, the likes of which they had never seen before. They went through their designated instructors like a teenage girl went through makeup or shampoo.

She sighed. "Did Ms. Hillary Winter quit already?"

"Well... Do you really want me to answer that?" He scratched his neck.

"Very well, I'll try my best to be there, but I do have something scheduled that same day, at that same time."

He gave her an apologetic smile. "Thank you."

"Mm-hmm. Don't worry about it. Have a good rest of your evening, then."

He nodded.

Kaisa gathered her things, and after saying goodbye to her students, proceeded to make her way to the school's massive parking lot.

Eventually, she reached her car, set her things wherever they needed to be, got in, and started the ignition. The engine of her silver Honda Civic 2015 sputtered, then roared to life, and she drove away.

****

More often than not, she found herself thinking about that adorable, bright-eyed boy that had been at her door just six months ago. Laying in bed reading a book, cooking dinner for herself, during trips to the library to either research or mark papers, and even while she would be at work, teaching or in a particularly boring staff meeting.

There was something about the exuberance in his eyes, and the warmth he seemed to always radiate. Sure, he was young, but even some children she had met before had never been so... alive. She chuckled to herself. When had she even managed to notice all these things? He was in front of her for barely five minutes!

Also, she wondered if they might not be neighbors of some sort. After all, he most likely would have to live nearby for his parents to be so comfortable with sending him out on his own, so they could at least still monitor him.

As she was laying on the couch, Kaisa got up and let out a great, big sigh.

"That's enough of that pondering and wondering now, 'Sa," she said to herself, thinking aloud.

For the rest of that Saturday evening, she completed all her mindless chores, took a refreshing bath, and wrote in her diary. Then, after making a hot pot of French vanilla coffee, she poured herself a cup, snuggled up on her couch, and watched one of her favorite series, "Highway to Heaven".

****

The following Tuesday was the day of the next staff meeting, Kaisa knew. However, as it was just the first week after her sister's death anniversary, she always took that time to go into mourning, which meant she would make a plausible excuse to not go into work.

Right now, she was visiting Ollia's grave. As difficult as it was for her, she made herself go through this each year, if even as an attempt in hardening her heart against the pain. Also, there were just too many things she left unsaid.

"I never told you," she started, shifting herself to kneel and place the yellow tulips that Ollia always adored by the headstone. "But that time, when you encouraged me to try out for the gymnastics team in sixth grade, I wasn't too chicken to do it. I just didn't want to. I wasn't interested. Like, at all. But, hey, it's okay, 'cause I fell in love with it ever since then, and it's all thanks to you."

Her smile was bittersweet, at best.

"And you know, some of my colleagues, I feel sorry for them. Especially the ones who get to be stuck with this year's eighth grade class. They are a wild bunch. No one ever has what it takes to tame those little tween rascals. Except, maybe... " She let out a humorless chuckle, even as a tear rolled down her left cheek.

"Except maybe you."

Soft sobs, stifled by her hand muffling over her mouth, shuddered through her body. No matter how many times, no matter how many years, no matter how many seasons of her life went by-just no matter-she never made it here and back where she had come from without crying her heart out. At this point, she wouldn't be surprised if her soul was weeping, too.

She walked back to her car, opened her ever-present diary to a new page, and started writing.

Entry #394
When does it get easier? When? When will I find myself once more with a genuine smile on my face, with a little more hope in my heart, with a little more determination in my soul? When will I finally have a day in my life to look forward to? When will I stop feeling so alone? The truth is, I'm starting to believe the answer is...

Never.

She closed the book, furiously wiped her tears away, and made her way to the nearest cafe.

****

"And then, she was all like..." Kimberly Morris, the sixth grade Science teacher, stopped speaking as her attention was snatched elsewhere.

Kaisa stopped laughing and assumed a serious expression on her face.

She was at yet the next staff meeting, two weeks after she had visited Ollia's gravesite. Unfortunately, she couldn't ALWAYS come up with a plausible excuse, and so now she would just have to sit through this, pretending like she wasn't bored. She cared, of course she cared, she loved her job and her students, but that didn't mean all aspects of her career were interesting.

Standing at the podium set up in one corner of the meeting room was Frederick Cohen, Harbor Middle School's principal.

"Welcome, everyone, to another crucial staff meeting. I appreciate, as always, those who were able to make it. And now, I would like to address the urgent issue of the funding for the seventh grade's upcoming field trip... "

After that, Kaisa tuned out every word of what he said. So much so, in fact, to the point that when the meeting had come to an end, it took her a moment to realize someone was introducing themself to her.

"Excuse me, Ms. Wilson, correct?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, what is it that you said? I must have spaced out for a moment there."

He chuckled. Wait, he?! "I was just saying, I am the new math teacher for the eighth grade. Leveren Citadel."

He reached out a palm for a solid handshake.

"Nice to meet you, Sir Citadel. I'll keep you in my prayers, considering the great struggles you have ahead of you with that bunch!"

He chuckled once more, more heartily this time. As he did, she took a moment to properly study him. He was of a slightly lighter complexion than her dark chocolate brown, had extremely curly hair, deep brown eyes, and was quite tall. What, at least 6'5"? If not more.

Her younger self would have certainly found him to be handsome.

"Well, so everyone keeps telling me. But, what can I say? I love a challenge!" He winked, then turned away.

Almost as soon as he did, she found her face flushed and her heart speeding in its pace, as if it were a car on the race track. Well, that was an interesting first impression, she thought to herself. Very interesting indeed.