For Kaila

The Cause of Much Confusion

Kaila came back into the house, still damp, disheveled, and utterly stunned at the evenings events.

"Let me get this straight..." Colleen started. "You have lunch and he's a gentleman. He sends you the picture he promises you and then never responds to your text message. Then he shows up here, in the dark of night, slightly drunk, to kiss you with no hello, goodbye or explanation in between. Then he takes off again....?"

"Ummm well, if you put it like that....Yes." Kaila responded shaking her head. "I really don't know what to think of that." Nothing more was said about it and the girls readied themselves for bed. Colleen had to be at the hospital for shift at 6am; this was going to be a short night.

Kaila lay awake in bed, tossing, turning, and trying to make sense of it all. Grabbing her phone, she texted Jeremy. "Can we talk please?" No response. In fact, she woke up the next morning with the phone on her chest and still no response out of Jeremy.

"Really?!" she said to her phone "I don't understand you at all...." She sent the text again. To her surprise it rang. Jeremy called her right back.

"Good Morning Jeremy." she answered trying to keep her voice calm. He was still asleep, groggy voiced and hungover. "Ummmm I was just hoping that we could talk today, face to face...about last night..."

He groaned...god he knew he had royally screwed this up. What the hell was he thinking!? "Oh,...ummm sure yes." He tried not to let his voice betray him. "Why don't you just come over. I'll shower and put some tea on and we can talk." He gave her the address, knowing this was not going to be pretty. He preferred to face rejection in the comforts of his own home, where he knew the bourbon would be close at hand once she had gone.

In just 45min, the soft knock came on his front door. He was fresh out of the shower, hair still towel dried damp. He was wearing a pink gingham button down shirt neatly tucked in. He had obviously tried to clean himself up. She followed him to the kitchen where he poured two steaming cups of English Breakfast tea, and offered her cream and sugar. They headed back to sit on the couch. He noted that she sat opposite him so she could face him.....this was going to be rough.

"OK, Jeremy,.." she began hesitatingly. "What was that all about last night?" He dropped his face into his hands as she continued. "I mean...I liked it and all, but I'm a bit confused."

He sighed deeply. Where to begin? Start with the truth and get this over with swiftly. "The truth of the matter was the boys had a good time teasing me about you and the suit. There was a good deal of alcohol involved. May popped off that it was all for commission. That you were nice because you had to be....."

"How much about the events of that day do they know, Jeremy? I mean honestly...." Kaila was a bit shocked and disappointed to be made public fodder.

"Well, that's just it..." he replied. "They don't know anything more than I bought the suit from you and you fitted it to me. That's all. His comment just ate at me all evening, I had to know." He was staring at his hands in his lap now. "I had to know if you felt anything at all or if it was just professional courtesy...." He finished lamely.

"Why didn't you just ask me?" she touched his chin, turning his face. Her hazel eyes punctuating every word.

"I...didn't know what to say...I'm very sorry Kaila. It won't happen again."

"You see, now that's a problem." she said sternly. His head whipped back to hers, startled. Oh crap he thought, he'd really done it this time.....

"It is?" He countered confused. His blue eyes suddenly looked to big for his face.

"It is a problem, Jeremy, because I want it to happen again....ok?" She smiled softly at him through her lashes. "I just need you to be able to talk to me too. Talk, text, phone....anything, anytime. ok?"

A smile broke his face, lighting up his eyes. You can almost see the gears of his mind working. His face dropped serious again, as he pondered what to say. "Why? I need to know why." he stated avoiding her eyes.

"Why? Why what?" she was confused.

"Why do you want this? Why do you want to be here?" His mind was reeling....Be what? His girl? Are we in primary school again? Christ man your in your fifties. Get a grip.

"I don't know, Jeremy..." Kaila's voice was soft, barely above a whisper. She reached out and put her hand in his on his knee. "All I know is I enjoy your company. I enjoy just being around you...that's all."

He exhaled a deep breath he didn't know he was holding. He couldn't help but smile. She truly was as genuine as he could have hoped.

"So I know this is going to sound juvenile and corny....but..You'll be my girl?"

"Yes of course" Kaila answered, her grin matching his.

He opened his arms wide to her, she immediately scooted in for a big hug. He was just as big and soft and warm as she imagined him to be. She didn't let go and neither did he. They sat together for a long time arms wound around each other. Jeremy's head leaning on top of hers. His long fingers stroking her soft blonde hair. Her head against his chest where she could hear his heartbeat, the slow and steady thump that kept him going.

Sometimes more is said in these moments of silence, than in a lifetime of spoken word. He clung to her as if she was a spar floating in the current, the only thing keeping him from drowning. She was.