Just Call Them Zombies

Three weeks ago, on June 3rd, 2025, the zombie apocalypse started. For those three weeks I have been roaming around New Jersey collecting supplies and fighting off the dead as best I can. I have been alone for the entire time. I did not find my family, I presumed them dead. I raided a few of the shops still standing and got out with some essentials. Food, soap, medical supplies, and a box of twinkies that will remain unopened until it's well past its expiration date. I stole a large sword from an antique shop, it's been more efficient at killing zombies compared to having to load and reload any kind of gun.

Right now I am sitting in a mall, waiting for something to happen. A few of the large overhead lights still work, they flicker on and off every few minutes. The parking lot outside of the mall is in the early stages of overgrowth. Tall weeds are growing through the cracks in the sidewalk, the once perfectly round bushes lining the entrance are in need of a haircut. The mall's air conditioning stopped working. My skin has been sticky for three weeks straight.

I've chosen a spot against a wall to sit down and rest. The large Coca-Cola advertisement painted on it has begun to chip in the humidity. My phone is at 26%, soon it will be 100% dead. In the meantime I've been playing Plants VS Zombies.

I would have been one of the many that died in the first wave if it wasn't for an inside joke between me and two of my friends. In Sophomore year of high school I joked to my friends, who were dating, that I would officiate their wedding only if the zombie apocalypse happened. That night I became an ordained minister online, got my printer paper certificate in the mail, and bing bang boom here I am, sitting in an abandoned mall covered in zombie guts. I'm embarrassingly committed to the bit.

A noise came from the other end of the mall, it echoed through the empty halls. Heavy boots walk towards me, I pause my game and stand up, holding my sword firm in my right hand. The tip made a painful screech against the tile floor as I stood. I winced. The footsteps stopped, a thick silence fell over the mall.

I want to make it perfectly clear, I don't care about surviving this thing till the end. I don't want to live long enough to see society re-built, or for capitalism to come back. I don't have much to live for other than this dumb joke. I also want to make it clear I don't care if anyone else finds it funny, it's funny to me and I'm always my target audience. So whoever, whatever, this is I'm not too keen on making any big effort to save my ass. I won't go down without a fight, but that fight will be me finally finishing a bit.

"Hello? Is anyone else here?" A woman's voice asked, it echoed through the empty halls. "If you're not a zombie, I'm not going to hurt you."

"That's nice to know." I responded, unsure of the next move. The footsteps started again, I could hear her walking towards me, slowly and anxiously. From just around the corner I could see her, she walked with a rifle held out in front of her, she was focused on her surroundings. She saw me standing 20 feet away holding a sword in a similar position to her and her gun. She had dark golden skin, and long straight black hair that was tied up in a high ponytail. She wore a cropped black tank top that fit snug against her skin, and a pair of khaki shorts. She looked like any typical female lead in a cheesy action movie.

"Hi," She said as she creeped towards me, "I see you also decided the mall was a good place to go."

"Great minds think alike," I said. She did not lower her weapon as she approached me. I decided if I was going to get anywhere I should find someone to travel with, so I lowered my sword.

"Nice sword," She lowered her rifle.

"Thanks"

"Hi."

"Hi." God, I sound like a dumbass.

"I'm Sydney, Syd." I could tell she was thinking the same thing I was, she didn't want to go through this alone.