Dear daughter,
Today you woke up with an aching heart, your body feels the weight of your pain. Your trigger this time was a friend who nonchalantly said "sexual harassment is human nature. Sometimes they can't control it." You asked your friend if it justifies sexual abuse, and he said "yes, kind of." You asked him who is responsible for the harm then? And he just smiled. No, you don't hate your friend. You don't know how to feel about it at all. But you did have a sudden flashback at work earlier yesterday of when your brother in-law removed his towel in the kitchen and asked you to lower your pants. You vividly remember the horrifying sight of his organs. You did contain yourself though, and you carried on with your work.
Soon after this conversation, your friend left after an apology, but you felt the ache of the world on your shoulders. You are a 24 year old reliving traumas that occurred when you were 11 and 12, in a room by yourself, feeling so utterly alienated and alone in this world, knowing just how hard it is for anyone to understand your pain. You cried your heart out. You ached, and yet you continued writing, researching, studying for your upcoming exams. Because the world does not wait for your aching heart.
This morning you woke up with the heavy ache of your heart and body and took yourself to breakfast. You took a short walk, now you're sitting by the beach writing this book. You have exams coming up. This is the second year of your degree. You made plans to study, and here you are battling your heavy and invisible aching.
My dear daughter,
The world does not wait for your aching heart. The sun will rise again, people will carry on with their daily errands, your exams draw closer with every ticking minute, and I will pick you up again. So let's go study. Let's walk towards your goals. Let's let the ache sit in your heart, because unfortunately it has no place to go to. We have to grieve, but I love you in your grieving and in your resilience. I will be your resilience. I understand you and I am your mother. It's me and you against the world, my dear daughter.
YOU ARE READING
Love Letters to Myself
SachbücherAfter years of questioning and demanding the importance, love, and protection I needed as a child, I still remain a 24 year old with the mind of an unloved child and childhood trauma. However, this time I choose to adopt myself and give myself all t...
