Sex Education For Kids. Where do you stand?

I was absolutely flabbergasted this morning. My wife was watching low-brand daytime TV. The topic of conversation?

Children under the age of nine years old should go through sex education.

It doesn't surprise me. Like most social concepts and entities, they are desperate. None more so than the education system.

None more so than broadcasting companies. They have agendas and targets to meet.

If parents think it should be the responsibility of the school system to teach their kids about sex, then they are more misguided than their very own children.

What could possibly be more fulfilling than hearing it from the source itself? YES, the creators themselves. YES, their parents.

Finding out how Mickey Mouse was created is not as impressive hearing it from my parents as it would be from Walt Disney.

The same applies to SEX.

Except this time, hearing this from your parents is less cringey than hearing it from your teacher. However, for some, there may not be much in it.

Your parents must have some street cred to navigate and deliver this topic.

I remember when my parents told me, although I had already presumed and worked out the nuts and bolts of it. I knew what went where. I also knew what didn't go there. I'd worked it out.

I did not need my parents to stand at the front of the living room with a plastic imitation of the female/male genitalia. Thanks, but no thanks. I get it...

Even if it had gotten that far, I would have pulled the plug long before it came to practising putting condoms on. NOW, that would have been CRINGEY... Once again, I'd already strung the pieces together.

It all seemed pretty straightforward.

I left it up to my imagination and naturally worked it out with some help from my elder colleagues.

But that is the problem with life. This is the problem with EVERYTHING. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is left to the imagination anymore.

EVERYBODY needs to know everything right NOW. NOBODY can WAIT for anything in this impatient life of instant gratification.

Remember, YOU must be tutored in everything you DO, SAY, and THINK!

Surely, this is the great thing about SEX—the wonder and the mystique—the constant anticipation of what will happen next, or if it will happen at all, the endless possibilities, and the endless creativity.

BUT, everything has an instruction manual, and you need to have your actions peer-reviewed by somebody else, including your SEX LIFE.

Everywhere you go now, especially on the TV/internet, there is always somebody who knows how to make YOUR sex life BETTER! Why?

Because they are playing on the fact that you are NOT content with anything in life.

Just out of interest. Do animals have sex education lessons? They seem to do OK and have it all worked out. They just instinctively know that Mother Nature has it all covered.

I was watching National Geographic the other day. It was about some rare, nearly extinct mountain leopards.

The male leopard spotted the female leopard. He liked the look of her rear end and decided to climb on board. A few seconds and a few pelvic thrusts later, it was all over.

He climbed back off and carried on with his day. Between the pair, there was no sentiment or emotion to any of it. It was all very matter-of-fact. Guess what else? She didn't appear to be upset over him not asking for consent.

All basic biological objectives in this scenario had now been met... To REPRODUCE.

Animals do not congregate, hold ceremonies, or discuss HOW TO DO IT. They just do; they just know. Do animals sit sex education GCSEs?

Surely, good old-fashioned trial and error will fill any gaps in knowledge. Be careful about what you are putting where, though.

I remember an old school friend, Michael Lipton. In a short 10-minute conversation in PE, he covered a whole syllabus on the 'female love button,' as he so delicately put it.

That one small conversation covered all the bases, my shortcomings and knowledge gaps. He was telling everybody how he was "BANGING" this MILF, and his higher powers, nerve-shattering techniques, were all leading to her ultimate climatic and sexual satisfaction.

According to him, he was plucking this MILFs' "love button" like Eric Clapton on a six-string, and she was hitting more orgasms than Serena Williams was hitting serves at Wimbledon. Thanks for that, Michael. How secure I felt in the hands of a PRO!

After his inspirational speech, MICHAEL HAD ME CERTIFIED! That's what friends do! I would be ready to go when my time would eventually present itself!

I asked him where he had learnt all of his skills and knowledge. He told me he was SELF-taught and SELF-educated, and it was really not all that complicated.

I didn't know whether to trust Michael. At twelve years of age, he had outlandish hairy legs and facial hair/beard. He was borderline weird and clearly not the full deck.

But he had an abundance of testosterone (that must be where the hairy legs and face hair came from). I often wondered if there was a way he could share some of that with me... You know, just to help push me through the teenage growth curve.

To further prove my theories on how the education system, in this case, sex education, is the bane of everybody's existence, I came up with the following metaphor/analogy and reasoning:

I don't know a child on earth who has not at least interacted with a LEGO set at some level. Some sets are more complicated than others, depending on your tolerance levels.

I remember that, as a child, even though the sets had instructions, I never bothered with them. I wanted to navigate and think this out for myself. I felt that following of instructions would take the fun and innocence out of it. It would become far too dogmatic.

Sometimes it was a success, and sometimes it wasn't, that's life...

But, if couldn't get on with the sets because I didn't follow the instructions. I just left it. I just couldn't connect the bits. We went our separate ways. I went off and played with another toy, and the LEGO joined the others in the cupboard under the stairs.

This is like life itself. If there are people with whom I do not get along, I just get up and leave. If there are things and activities I don't like, I just get up and leave, etc...

If life and all of its activities within cannot naturally grab the intrigue, inquisitiveness and abilities to solve problems and ultimately connect, then what the fuck are we all doing here?

What's next? A Master's Degree in how best to BONE my wife. If they do, they better develop something special for that one. I have already discussed in great depth my problems with that, here.

Sure, there might be a market for that, and there are bound to be some things I have missed along the way. There may have been things MICHAEL missed out on all those years ago. But I'm doin' OK...

It's not too bad for somebody who, although now disabled, has two kids. Not bad from somebody who learnt his sex education off the back of a chocolate cigarette fag packet at school in a PE lesson.

But there lays the beauty in all of this. It is about having the ability to choose and enjoy free will. Getting lost in relativity, because for you to know is also for you not to know. But that is OK.

That, my friends, is why I hate the education system. It prioritises and values the wrong things at the wrong times. It is built on the fallacy that not knowing something is bad. That is what is wrong...

Has anybody thought exposing children to this unnecessary information at such an early age is giving birth (excuse the pun) to wider societal issues? Teenage pregnancies, maybe?

Would it not be better to let life run its course on this one? See what YOU and THEY find out along the way...

Let me know what you think.

As always, thank you for reading another random and pointless article.

Matt