"Why is your hair so ruffled. Go comb it."
"Mom, We're at home-"
"AT HOME?? SO THIS IS YOUR EXCUSE NOW?! YOU PIECE OF SHIT. I CAN'T BRUSH MY TEETH BECAUSE I'M AT HOME. I CAN'T WASH MY FACE BECAUSE I'M AT HOME. I CAN'T HAVE A SHOWER BECAUSE I'M AT HOME. YOU DISGUSTING THING. YOUR FRIEND CARES ABOUT THEIR LOOK THEIR SKIN CARE AND ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS MAKEUP YOU HORRENDOUS PIG. I would die for my children but what I get back? You're just like your father. Just like his family. "
I ignored her
But she kept yelling and kicking things, until she got tired and just kept doing chores while I helped her
My mom had many traumas when she was young,She was the middle sister of many siblings and she didn't get any attentions.
They would often tell her that they didn't care. Except her father,until he died when she was young
My cousin told me her father,My mom's brother, was there when he died
I wonder how traumatic or heartbreaking that was
The dialogue in the beginning was just an example
My parents have always neglected me,hurt me,gave me trauma after trauma and never were by my side
And most of all
They left me with people who have done worse than them
Maybe not worse because the worse was already done by my parents
What I am now,Is all because of my parents behavior towards each other and me
All the big fights over small things
All the physical abuse
All the verbal abuse
All the ignoring
All the silent treatment
All the hard punishment over lil mistakes
All the yelling
Everything
Made
What
I
Am
Now
And I hate it
I hate who I am
I hate whoever the fuck I am
I hate my parents
I hate me
Yet,I still change for others
I still sob nights and days because I can't be enough for them
I've tried
To change for everyone around me
Whenever a person comes by I change personality
That's why I don't like trios or stuff, Because It's difficult to keep different personalities
Especially if those two people are too different
I've changed subject again for fuck sake
Okay okay
Thanks for reading and understanding,Core
