one shot

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“Sehunnie?”

From the day sehun came to SM as a trainee and was ordered to follow Junmyeon around like a puppy,
To the day he left the practice studio abruptly in middle of having lunch because he just couldn’t stand breathing in the same room as Junmyeon for a single more second,
To the day he found Junmyeon trying to muffle his cries hiding in the small dark studio in the dorm because Junmyeon didn’t know what else he could’ve done differently to make the three members stay,
To the day he realized Junmyeon looks prettier in pink than the cherry blossoms he goes to see in Japan every year,
To the day Junmyeon had nothing to say to him after sparing warm and kind words of gratitude and appreciation for all his members but him on the last day of their concert,
To the day he dropped everything he had planned the moment he heard Junmyeon wanted him to guest on his heart4u show,
To the day he realized Junmyeon came back from the basic training camp and sehun felt like he can finally breathe oxygen again---- there was not a single day when hearing his pet name being called out by Junmyeon’s soft and warm voice didn’t take the living breath out of his chest leaving him a shuddering mess.

Sehunnie, are you okay? You sounded…on the phone… you sounded…”

Junmyeon punched in the passcode and ran into sehun’s apartment, because he knows he can, he knows he was silently given the right to do so. He finds sehun sitting on the carpet tucked in between the glass coffee table and the foot of the sofa with his knees gathered up to his chin, visibly shaking. His eyes look bloodshot and there are dried tear stains on his cheeks.
Instead of trying to wiggle around the coffee table to reach sehun, Junmyeon drags the whole table out of the way in one swift motion and flops on the carpet next to him. Sometimes sehun forgets how strong his Junmyeonnie hyung is because next to him, he is such a teeny tiny baby rabbit.

Junmyeon doesn’t know why it was him of all people, of all the members, that sehun reached out to. It’s not like they’re uncomfortable around each other. It’s been years they’ve been way past that phase. But still Junmyeon feels an invisible wall between them barring a natural emotional connection despite a few lackluster attempts to break it from time to time. No matter the definition of their relationship, surely sehun is much more closer and emotionally connected to Kyungsoo and chanyeol for him to reach out to Junmyeon instead of them. Maybe he was sehun’s last call or maybe the respect and trust sehun has in Junmyeon that he would always show up if he needed him, no matter what push and pull games they play to cut through their awkwardness in public, runs way deeper than any other bond he has with the other members.

“sehunnie, it’s okay. You don’t have to talk. Let’s drink a little water for now, okay? Can you do that?” Junmyeon says as he squeezes the taller boy’s arms softly and reaches for a water bottle flopped down on the coffee table. Sehun takes a breath and nods looking straight ahead into nothingness. Junmyeon unscrews the cap and holds the bottle near his mouth as sehun takes a small sip and moves his head away, signaling that it’s enough. Junmyeon doesn’t force him to drink more and simply puts away the bottle.

“Hyung…” sehun calls out under a labored breath. So softly that Junmyeon almost wouldn’t hear it if he wasn’t pressed against the taller boy’s side extremely close. “I’m here”, that’s all Junmyeon says as he places his hands on sehun’s left arm, gently rubbing the pad of his thumb over it, lazily looking at the tattoos.

“I can’t do it, I can’t do it, it’s just too much for me,” sehun whines out trying to bury his head in between his knees. Junmyeon didn’t need any further explanation to understand what sehun was talking about. After years of built-up pressure and expectations, it’s finally sehun’s season, it’s finally his time to debut solo. He knows the album preparation has already been done, just the formal announcement is supposed to drop tomorrow. And so he can guess very easily that sehun had a panic attack over the finality of it all, he’s scared and anxious about the possibility of not being able to live up to the expectations that’s been building in his fans for years.

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