𝔹𝕠𝕓𝕠𝕚𝕓𝕠𝕪 𝕏 𝕆ℂ ♥︎❤︎𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓫𝓸𝓸𝓴❤︎♥︎

S || The day I was born

When I woke up, the world was grey, painful, and dizzying. I don't know what was going on, I don't know what happened, but that painful awakening, was a day that I considered to be the day I was born.

...

I had no idea how to survive when I woke up.

I found myself wandering into a land of green, I remember being so hungry, I'd eat whatever looks edible. Then after getting sick several times with that method I switched my tactic into whatever looks nice and edible, and doesn't look like poison. And truthfully, there's not a lot to go off on in the streets, or generally on the outside. Especially when there are other beings of life who'd need it much more than you, who would feed their family or go so far as to steal it from you. Young me guessed that this is the life she'll be living. It's not the greatest, but I make do with what I had.

I think I've been living like that for... I think about a year? I remember being sad about how living and surviving was hard. Days I couldn't eat, days where I had to debate on who needs the cookie more than the other: me, or a child who is smaller and ill than me. Days of having torn clothes, or maybe nothing to wear at all because someone needed something warm to help them from a cold. Or weeks of me getting sick every now and then for what feels like forever, and I had no idea how to help myself other than wait it out. My only company was the wind, and the animals around me.

When I recalled everything that happened throughout that year, I remember thinking 'I'm tired, I almost want to give up.' I was just lying down feeling weak, having only a dying flame of hope dwindling inside of me. 'I think it's okay to die. When I turn black, ugly and smelly, I might be of help to the other animals here, they seem to be struggling too.' And I was ready to sleep and never wake up that night, until I was awoken by the sound of something exploding.

The sound terrified me. It was loud, and there were more of those coming one after another or more of them exploding altogether. I felt like running. I felt like running even though I was weak. I remember doing my best to get up because I might get hurt, that the pain might be just as bad, or worse than when I first got born into this world.

It's kind of funny isn't it? A second ago I was just thinking that turning all ugly and black and dying is okay, it'll help everyone around me. And then the next second I'm running for my life even when I'm all weak that I feel like puking and my legs are all jelly. I guess it was the survival instincts kicking in, and that I was afraid of feeling pain, and getting hurt. If I die a peaceful slow death, I think I could manage and be okay. But not at the idea that I'll be burned to crisp when I die.

And so I was running, and I looked behind me, then I stopped.

My feet felt like they were planted on the ground, and the sight before me hypnotized me.

The explosions were so far away, yet they were so loud I had to cover my ears and I flinch every time I see them shoot up from the sky. But even though they terrify me, even though I'm scared of getting hurt or the remnants of that explosion may fall down on me and hurt and burn me, I looked up to it, and my gaze fixed itself onto them.

I never knew something so terrifying can also be beautiful.

These explosions came in an array of colors, all of them vibrant and different from one another with their own flair and beauty in them. They were all unique, and they were all so fascinating to watch as they shoot up in the sky, bloom at their brightest and disappear in the air. I was left in awe, my breath taken away. I watched them come and go, showing me their most spectacular display, before leaving just as they appeared.

But eventually, they stopped coming, and the scary loud noises were gone along with it, and I was sad. I kind of didn't want it to end. Will I ever see it again? I wanted to see it again.

I never knew what that... Thing or happening was. But all I know, was that they were so beautiful, and that even though they are loud and terrifying, I want to see it again.

And that became my reason to keep living.