What is it?

How did it start...

I find myself constantly asking...

How did it start?

But I don't even know, it just did.

What is it?

A feeling. A feeling that consumes me from the inside out.

But I don't know what the feeling is.

I thought I was dying, I'm not. 

I thought maybe it was love. Does love hurt the way this does? 

Is it hate? Am I so consumed by hatred to the point where I rot?

You tell me.

Can you tell?

Do you feel it too?

I feel like a zombie, droning through these halls. 

I hope for something, anything.

A bell, alarm, voices... something.

But there's nothing. Nothing but silence and the sound of my own footsteps.

I run my hands along the lockers as I walk through the halls. I peek inside the classrooms, hoping to see someone but of course, empty.

Maybe I'm dead.

A sigh escapes my lips and I lean against the lockers. 

I poke at the flesh on my thigh, feeling the warmth beneath my cold hands. I dig into my pocket and pull out a small razor. 

I can't do it..

I have to.

I press the razor against my thigh, watching it cut through the delicate skin. I wince and a let out a soft groan.

I like it...

As the blood bubbles up I bite my lip. It hurts so good I can't help but moan. My breathing quickens and I can't help myself. Pressing the razor into another area of my thigh, whimpering from the pain and pleasure.

Greedy..

I sigh, placing the razor back in my pocket. 

Now there's blood everywhere. 

Using part of my shirt I wipe the blood off my leg. I stand up and limp into one of the empty classrooms. I sit on a desk and gaze out the windows. Outside is nothing but fog. I'm not sure if there is much out there.. 

Or if there is anything.

I sit there, staring out into the nothingness till I drift off to sleep.

What time is it?

I check the clock on the wall but the numbers too glitched to understand.

What was I really hoping for?

I sit up and drag myself across the classroom and out the doors.

Another day of silence.

Of nothing.

I'm so alone..

I can't... it's too much.

I collapse onto the floor in a fit of sobs. 

I'm such a bitch.

After what felt like hours of crying I get up, stumbling to the nearest bathroom. I grip the sink, staring at my reflection.

Disgusting.

Just the sight makes me sick.

sick..

My eyes widen and I run into a stall. I kneel in front of the toilet and gag until I throw up.

Hours later I shift awake. 

I fell asleep?

I'm leaned against the wall dribbling on myself like a child.

Such a fucking bitch. I need to pull my shit together.

What is the point though.

I get up to rinse my face with cold water. 

After cleaning myself up I leave the bathroom to continue my walks through the halls. 

You wonder why I don't just leave but how do I leave if I'm not sure where I am.

Besides there's nothing out there but fog.

I walk into the cafeteria and sit at one of the tables.

I don't remember how this started. Why am I alone?

I try my hardest to remember.

Nothing.

Nothing about my life before this.

Trying to remember turns into day dreaming.

Maybe I had friends. Or a lover.

A lover...

Him.

Maybe he held me against his chest, ran his fingers through my hair, called me sweet things like... his.

What a stupid thought. I scoff.

I lay my head on the table and sigh.

I think I'll lay here...

Maybe sleep here.

My eyes start to feel heavy and my vision starts to blur.

But I notice something in the distance.

Outside the window.

A silhouette.

Do you see it?