His Guardian(s)

Chapter 8 - Splintered Fragments

CW: Mention of drugs, mention of retching, human trafficking, implied pedophilia, abusive behavior, implied suicidal thoughts and more.

Refrain from reading as it may be distressing for some people, and if you feel like you'll be uncomfortable with such topics.

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Happiness.

It is the simplest word that Shinyu found the most perplexing.

A word he had once experienced fully, yet now, he had long forgotten its purpose and meaning.

What was happiness like? Shinyu asks himself from time to time.

According to the books, it is a feeling where your heart relentlessly thumps, yet in a way that you anticipate with joy.

Shinyu believed he experienced this every single day, but it never felt the same.

It was instead suffocating. Tight. It left him restless, always.

Referring back to the book, it was more fitting to describe his feelings as anxiety rather than happiness. Unease, distress, fear—whatever the term, they all explained what he was constantly experiencing, and he knew he disliked it.

Despite this, Shinyu tried to find back his happiness. It wasn't through lavish dinners or a spree of expensive goodies that he'd spoil himself with but rather through something as simple as a spicy tofu stew, which mostly did the trick.

Yet, it never brought the happiness he expected.

He eventually learned that these were merely distractions to divert his mind from his thoughts, his fears.

Shinyu's efforts to reclaim that happiness, even to this day, had always been futile. He recalled a time when happiness seemed effortless, a distant memory from his childhood when the world was filled with wonder and simplicity. Back then, a day spent playing in the park or sharing a meal with his family brought his greatest smile and laughter. 

Now, those memories felt like fragments of a dream, hazy and unreachable.

His search for happiness led him to question everything he knew about himself and his life. Was his inability to feel joy akin to a taboo among the gods or a curse from birth? Was it the tragic end of the woman his father had been with that stripped away his capacity for happiness? Or was it a consequence of past sins his former self had ruthlessly committed?

Finding these answers always felt as daunting as ascending a heavenly staircase.

But with massive boulders perpetually tumbling from the summit of the stairs, pools of molten lava seething in the surroundings, and a beguiling illusion ensnaring your steps in an endless loop on the initial block.

Shinyu then wondered, was it any different from the stairs he faced in his childhood?

He believed that everyone would face the same challenges he encountered. It was not out of jealousy, but rather a conviction of what he thought was fair.

Yet, It never seemed the case.

Maybe, he was just one of the few unfortunate meant to face and endure the deepest cruelties of fate.

Maybe, one of his guesses was indeed the answer to his misery.

Maybe, and just maybe, he did deserve all of this.

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Today was the same.

The night before stretched on endlessly, a span in which his emotions slowly drained away. A night where Yu-bong took care of its owner with all of its might and energy, while keeping its best to stay awake.