The Light to my Darkness

I opened my eyes, immediately touching the streams of tears on my cheeks. I blinked, trying to clear my view as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. It focused on that lone star on the ceiling.

I slowly pulled myself upright and glanced at the soaked spot on my pillow, shuddering at the painful memory that pushed itself in my head just moments ago.

I looked back at Hyunwoo who was still thankfully asleep. I didn't want to break his slumber, it had been a long busy week for us.

I placed my hand on top of my belly, where our beloved "Soobin" was once and sobbed quietly.

As much as I longed for all my memories to return to me, it was flashes of this kind that I feared; the painful ones that etched a wound too deep that it almost tore Hyunwoo and me apart forever.

The moment I found out that we lost Soobin played itself over and over.

It was supposed to be a good day. We were opening Gentle Monster's 100th and biggest, grandest store in Queens. We were entering 700B won in revenue and Queens had already made it consistently to the top of go-to places in all of Seoul.

It was very busy season for us. I knew I was lagging behind on my doctor's appointments. But I knew I would be fine. I made sure to take care of myself. I took breaks, destressed when needed. Hyunwoo's constant nagging kept me in line.

After this launch, I would go back and focus on the pregnancy.

I was getting ready at my dresser, carefully placing all strands of hair in place.

"Eomma needs all the luck she can get today." I playfully chime as I gave my belly a rub. "Appa, too. He left so early today that he wasn't able to give you a kiss."

Hyunwoo left me a message apologizing for missing the launch and that he would just meet me after. He was immediately whisked away tasked at cleaning up another one of my brother's ill-fated deals.

I took one more glance at myself in the mirror and headed out.

I didn't even make it to the car when I felt the sharp excruciating pain that brought me to my knees near our front door.

It rendered me unconscious for most it.

Ambulance sirens.

Frantic doctors.

Hyunwoo.

The white walls of the hospital.

Blood...too much blood.

I felt drained.

Like all my energy decided to leave me.

I felt a reassuring rub of thumbs on my hand.

Hyunwoo. His hair all handsomely ruffled up from sleeping on his arms at my bedside.

"Hae In-ah."

Confusion and dread set in as I saw tears in his eyes. Why?

"How is Soobin?"

"Yeobo.." He was shaking his head.

More tears. His grip on my fingers tightening.

And my heart sank.

No...No. NO.

I could hear myself wailing...

Pain. Fear.