My Scrap Book

Prologue

The electric pylons buzzed as the clouds above swirled around them. The rain fell like daggers and the chaotic waves crashed against the sharp rocks that could've ripped any ship into ribbons. Standing mightily against the storm, like a guardian of the land and wearing its weathered paint like war medals, was a lighthouse. Using a sword of light that cut through the cold dark, it scared off beasts of the night. As the lighthouse was getting lashed by rainwater Figglster continued to work.

Hunched over his machine, he swiftly tapped its typewriter-like keys. How he had ended up in a situation like this was beyond him?

Figglster was a simple man, with simple needs. But, unlucky for him, he didn't have a simple mind. It was like a complex puzzle constantly twisting and contorting, often ending up with more questions than answers. Because of this he had developed quite a nasty stutter and lost many friends over stupid hypothetical questions. Even wizards didn't want to talk to him and they loved talking nonsense.

It had gotten so bad that he had decided to stay solitary for about 4 decades working on a machine that could answer any question. And tonight he had finally got it working.

"M-machine?" he said, over the clashes of thunder.

There was a pause while the monitors slowly flickered to life. Lights flashed on and off as a nearby control table beeped and hummed.

"GOOD EVENING," said the machine, its voice was staccato and emotionless, "TERRIBLE WEATHER WE'RE HAVING."

Figglster shivered in excitement, partly due to the cold.

"H-have you got the, um, answer?" he questioned as the pattering of rain seemed to greaten.

"HMM."

Figglster wanted the greatest answer to the greatest question. The question that everyone has at least thought of once. A question so great, with such gravitas, that the answer could destroy civilizations, cause fathers and sons to battle in the flames of what was once their family home, and turn the most civil of men into the most wild of beasts. What was better, strawberry or vanilla ice cream?

"THAT IS A DIFFICULT QUESTION," the computer buzzed in reply.

"And?"

"AND."

"D-d-do you have the answer or not?"

The pylons outside buzzed, the lightning flashed, the rain dashed, the pistons hissed, the motherboard clicked as the computer finally gave a response as grandiose as possible using an empty baked beans can for a speaker.

"NO."

Figglster kicked the wall.

"B-B-BUGGER!" he yelled.

"BUT I DO HAVE AN ANSWER FOR A FAR EASIER QUESTION," the machine replied, coldly, "THE END OF THE UNIVERSE."

"W-what?" Figglster uttered, in fear, "The universe is going to e-e-end?"

"EVERYTHING HAS AN END," said the computer, "JUST LIKE MY FAVOURITE SOAP OPERA THAT LASTED 70 YEARS, YOU THINK IT WON'T END AND THEN IT-"

A roar of thunder interrupted it.

"S-s-so how does it end?"

"OH, THE MAIN CHARACTER GOT THE BOY IN THE END WHO WOULD'VE EXPECTED-"

"The universe!" interrupted Figglster, "How does the universe end?"

"ALL EVIDENCE CONCURS THAT SEYMOUR SMITH WILL DESTROY THE UNIVERSE!"