Please, take my heart💋

Suffocated

CHAPTER 4*                                     
"Does it hurt like this?", This is the first thing he has said after looking at my mess. I shake my head and then he nods and starts rubbing my arm again. I can never forget the look he gave me outside after he saw I had cuts all over my arm. He was looking like someone has hurt him, betrayed him. The pain and anger in his eyes shook me at that moment. Then without saying a word he took me to the bathroom and now here we are. He wasn't even let me wash myself. The way he grabbed my arm told me that he was like you could have already done this by now... U didn't now let me to do it. I can't even understand what's wrong with Ivan. He has never been like this. He is my only friend in college. He supported me in this new city and he is the best one among all I have had before, but a year ago he told me he loves me,I don't know if it was in the sexual way or not and I have been attracted to him since day one but it's not like sexual love I don't think so I can ever want someone like that ofc except my hoodie. God, I am taken by him again. Small tears prick at my eyes and I think Ivan notices he immediately pushes me towards the shower and says, "take a small shower otherwise you will get sick, we have a lot of things to do so don't waste time in there. " He is wet too if he doesn't do something about it he will get sick too, I am wondering standing blankly when he says, "I will take care of my clothes, go."---------------When I come out of the shower I am feeling so much better I wonder why I didn't try this earlier. I am wearing a baggy full sleeve shirt and I see Ivan is in the kitchen, doing nothing. He is just staring at the table and when he sees me ne notices my sleeves first and his gaze fidgets for just a second. I should have known better I was so consumed that I didn't notice I had to clean my arm, it wasn't supposed to be revealed like this. I walk towards the table and sit on the opposite chair from him. He has changed his clothes. He still not looking at me and I wonder why he is so affected we have been close friends for a year but I could never imagine to this extent like washing my blood and staying with me like this because he knows something is off or maybe I just didn't notice anyone except my hoodie before today. The silence is killing me now, "Ivan?" He doesn't say anything. I call him again and ask him why did he come here in the first place. That catches his attention and he finally looks at me. His look now consists of another emotion, of disgust.