Please, take my heart💋

Throbbing

CHAPTER 5*                                             
"I am sorry, please", I am so fucking dumb seriously I don't know what's wrong with me my head is aching like it's gonna be dead any minute and my whole body shakes when I speak or even move and my heart is in a marathon. I might just be excessively drunk for asking Ivan why he has come to my place. He is my best friend who was so worried about me after seeing what I hve been doing and that's how i treated me. He is walking towards the door now and not saying anything. His fists and jaw are so clenched it hurts to look at them. "Ivan?" He finally turns with his features tight and eyes watery. "No, I am sorry. Seriously Iris you won't tell me what's wrong you have been drinking badly, you were soaking wet when I found you with both rain and blood. I was worried about you because I figured something is wrong with you when you were at my house but I thought it will be okay with a distraction then suddenly you told me you don't wanna study anymore because your head is aching and you just went home. I called you after exact 3 hours and I have been calling since then I thought you might be taking a nap or something but here you were so fucking busy trying to kill yourself not thinking about anyone who lives for you, not thinking about anything you have achieved or are working so hard to achieve, not thinking about your mum even though you are aren't close now she still raised you up you have some duties for her and most importantly your hoodie. What about him? What the fuck happened, Iris? I tell you if I get a mosquito bite and you are stuck on something which made you wanted to die and you didn't tell me and now here you are mad because I showed up at your house. It's my fault, I am sorry. I care for you Iris and I am not leaving you alone, you want me okay you don't want me that's okay too, but I am here." I don't, I just don't know what's happening it's my fault I didn't consider anyone while mourning for my hoodie I thought no one cared but I forgot about Ivan. "I am seriously sorry, I thought no one cared and I could never imagine you being so mad at me for this, never. I can't even understand what's with you and I know whatever I did was wrong but I have promised myself I won't- " You can't figure out why I am so mad. I fucking love you Iris. You think only your hoodie loves you and I know he is your entire world and I don't mind I am so proud of a person like him. He is wonderful but that doesn't mean that you will forget about everyone else. Just fuck me did you think how your hoodie would feel if he saw that bloody arm of yours. You have cuts all over your lower arm Iris, it would not have taken more than one to die and you haven't already lost less blood,  he would have died if he is according to what you have told me."------------ "He  broke up with me", I say without thinking. I don't know why I said that I am so stupid and God I am crying now, I am fucking crying again and I just can't stand here in front of him and cry I walk towards my room and hear him say wait but I don't stop.