Undecided

Chapter_1

There were days when I wanted to be unknown, and there are days today when I want to be known.

The world felt much better when, instead of hesitating, I used to take a step ahead. Now it's all a struggle where I want to do it but I just don't. We are the kind of people who live and want to live, but life is not always rainbows and unicorns. I am not the brightest of minds, and I was aware of this fact very clearly. I found every other person better than me. Though this was not always true. When it happened? I don't know, why it happened? I have a theory or two.

Do you ever get a feeling of being the least valuable person in the room, have you ever felt invisible to the people around you whom others see as your friends, do you ever hate yourself for hating a person just because they are doing good in their life even though it's by throwing you off, do you ever spend nights telling yourself to stop acting like a victim when everyone else is also living their life, do you ever forget the fact that if you'll put yourself in everyone else's shoes your own shoes would be lost in a way that you would never find them back, ever and they would tither away because no one liked yours and never put them on, they would be long forgotten and will live in just some people's memories.

At that point in time, I was always embarrassed of myself, trying to improve myself, trying to look cool, only to get slapped by an extremely big wave of embarrassment. This wasn't happening for the first time; it was how it always has happened. My success was like an inverted hemisphere where if you displaced even a bit, you would fall right on the ground. Those who have studied physics in high school might know it's the condition of unstable equilibrium. It would always start all shiny and exciting till they see my true self, which is an absolute dork, they would lose interest, and then as the gas particles rush ahead in vacuum from high pressure regions, people would rush ahead to show how good they are, and I would let them pass just like that. Then would start the time of self-doubt, low confidence, guilt, and hatred.

I want to write a story that is about me and the people I admire and learn from. But now I watch the events unfold as a spectator, like watching a movie from inside. When a life becomes a mere perception, it's misery; it's a tragedy. And mine is the tale of this tragedy...

Accept all 7456 words