FEELING FOR FAYE PROUD

Chapter Nine

Dear Diary,

I quite like him. In more ways than one. Wayne seems to like me back. I understand it's all temporary. I don't want it to be, I don't want anything about my life right now to be temporary. It's hard to not say I love him. Because I feel as though I do. He treats me so kindly, so nicely, so gently. I never realized that he would be like this. I never understood what kind of man he was either. He works with some bad people. He says that he stopped. I hope he isn't lying... I hope he isn't lying. I like him here with me. He's sitting down right now, we're driving back. I have to go to school tomorrow, and I don't want to. I just want to stay with him for a little bit longer. Last night we had sex. It was my first time. I don't think it was his. Or, I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't. He's interesting, Wayne is interesting. Probably one of the most interesting friends I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Getting to be with him, and getting to know him more causes butterflies in my stomach. I've never been this cliche before. I don't think I want to ever be this cliche with someone other than Wayne.

He's not the kind of man to be selfish. He's mature, someone I've never really met before. I like his age, seems to fit him quite nicely. I don't think he likes mine. He seems to have a lot of guilt for what we did last night. I said that it was my choice that I liked it, and that I liked him. He says that he was drunk, but then he took it back. He can be confusing sometimes. He can be kind of interesting sometimes too. I want whatever is between us to last longer. To be something far greater.

Love is hard for me. I don't know why, I think it's just hard. I don't always feel like I'm trusting enough to be loved. I always drift away and find my own life. It's not a good habit, I never said it was. A lot of guys seem to like me, or at least find me attractive. They never really come up to me though. Joe is a pretty good example of that. He just finds me nice to be around. But generally liking me, finding me interesting, it's almost like I wasn't ever safe enough to date. I've always had my thing, I've always had my flow. It's different from everyone else, and no one even takes the time to understand it. Wayne is the first one who did, the first one who is putting effort into me. Who's acting trying to care for me and to love me? It's not to say I'm different, or that I have such high standards, it's just that I want someone to make me happy. It just so happens that my happiness has different patterns than what others give to me. It's sad... to me it's sad, heartbreaking even. Why's it such a sin to accept love that is a little different? 

The air breathed in the windows and she looked over. Faye put her pen and journal down and looked at Wayne. He didn't seem to be too curious about what she was writing about. He knew his name was probably in there somewhere, just like her name was in his. He didn't seem to understand her all that well, but he slowly, and surely began to. He liked her, more than he's used to. Wayne didn't know much about love either. In the world he grew up in he didn't have time to fathom it, he didn't have the kind of heart to need it either. Wayne looked out the window and then at her again. He noticed how her journal was on her lap and the pen was in between the spine.

"Did we finish all of the drinks?" Faye asked.

"Yeah. I did." Wayne said with a sly smile. Faye's expression changed and she put her legs on his lap. Her back leaned on the door of the truck. Her socks nearly touched his side of the door. Wayne felt no need to move her legs somewhere else, he just continued to look on the road. He hasn't been silent, he hasn't been quiet either. He's been himself, before and after they had sex. "You're going to school tomorrow?"

"Mhm."

"I'm gonna go car shopping for you, by the way. It's about time you get your own." Wayne looked to his side and saw a very excited girl. He cracked up and smiled, "Well I got a pretty big pocket that I don't mind emptying. I've got like twnety-eight thousand grand. So we'll find something for you," Faye nodded her head over and over again. Until she began to realize what this meant.