Not That Girl Anymore

Chapter 3

Card

I hate crowded places, it makes me hard to breath, I panic, and overthink that maybe those assholes are here. I took a deep puff as I entered her house, with a poker face I scanned every people here hoping that all of them are strangers. I sigh in consolation when I confirmed that they are all foreigners but I can't find the celebrant.

She's still in her room? I mean her guest are here.

" Hi, where is Dione? "
I asked the server, he said he saw her half an hour ago.

I was about to call her when a guy come closer, examining me from head to the end of my high heeled raven shoes. I'm used to people looking down at me like they're questioning my existence of this world, like am I doing my job correctly but this kind of look gives me chills that my heart beat started to get high.

" You are friend of Dione? Why, she didn't mention she had a hottie friend. "

I tried to be calm and nice without smiling.
" I'm looking for her, where can I see her? "

He shrugged his shoulders, " I have no idea where she is. I mean she was here earlier then disappear. Maybe she's just around fūcking some dudes. She will come back later no worries. "

Hindi ko napigilan ang pagtaas ng kilay ko, I know Dione is liberated and open minded when it comes to sēx but I don't like how this stranger maliciously say it loud. I don't like how he's grinning nastily. I don't just like him.

Hinarap ko ito. " And how did you know she's fūcking some dude, did you see her do it? "

" I mean it's normal and she's not here. "

Uminit ang ulo ko sa sagot. How come someone assume other people what they're doing just because they are not in front of you. But again, ayaw ko pumatol sa mga ganitong klaseng tao. Instead of throwing him words, pinipilit ko na ikalma ang sarili. I turn my back at him and was about to leave when I felt him hands on my butt, caressing them and squeeze it. Pakiramdam ko ay binuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig, hindi agad makagalaw, and that event from that night came back to my mind and playing repeatedly. Pumikit ako ng mariin, pinigilan ang umiyak at hinarap ito.

And I hated that look on his face. The same look I saw in them.

I slapped him once, hard and he yelled at me.

" Who are you to slap me? " I can see him being red that anytime now he's going to burst.

" And who the fück are you to touch me? I am not your stüpid toy. "

The people around us stop what they are doing when he slapped me unexpectedly. I laugh sarcastically in my head. They are like watching some play or drama while drinking their vodka or wine, I even saw others continue eating while eyeing us.

Right, they are all the same.

I'm so furious that I punch him and kick his groin that made him kneel before me. Matinding galit ang nararamdaman ko ngayon na aabot na sa puntong gusto ko syang bugbugin sa paraang alam ko.

I open my mini-wallet and took out one of my card and put it on his mouth. Humakbang ako ng isang beses at yumuko ng konti.
" I have my name and contact number on it, you can sue me and I will never back down on you, I promise you that. Not on a thrash-people like you. I don't give a fück you who you are or your parents are the king and queen on this earth. "

No one tried to come up to intervene us. They are just there, watching. Tiningnan ko lang silang lahat saka tumalikod para umalis na. I didn't even care that I bumped to someone. I'm glad that I brought my car. I was on the road when I tried to call Dion, she answered my call after my second attempt.

" Oh my God Kizzy, I'm so sorry. Sorry. "
Sumisinghot na ito sa kabilang linya. Narinig kong magulo ang paligid nito. I also realize that I ruined her birthday party.

" Happy birthday. Sorry I need to leave to breath. Let's talk this later. "

Iyak ang narinig kong sagot saka ko pinatay ang tawag. I went straight to the hospital dahil literal kulay ng kamatis ang pisngi ko at namaga din. I also need it just in case that  jerk will file a case against me.

I spent my night with an ice pack on my cheek. Buti nalang weekend kaya walang trabaho. Dion keep calling and texting and I didn't answer it yet. And some missed calls and messages from unknown numbers, sending me death threats.

Hindi ako galit sa kanya, kundi dismayado. Pati na rin sa sarili ko dahil pumunta ako, I blame myself for it.

I don't know what to expect from now on but one thing for sure, hindi ko itatago ang sarili ko. Hindi na ako natatakot ipaglaban ang sarili ko, ayaw ko ng mamuhay ng ilang taon na naman dahil sa bangungot na to. Nakakapagod na.

I went to my therapist and told her what happened. Sinabi ko din lahat ng sama ng loob ko, yung nararamdaman ko. And I cried for the last time because of that night.

And I don't know what happened because the next thing I know, someone hit my car. With the pain in my head, I just close my eyes.

Nagising ako na inaalala yung panaginip ko, I was dreaming my younger self who was happy, innocent, bubbly, carefree, I was dreaming smiling to myself that made me cry in pain because I let myself live all this time by what others did to me. Samantalang sila, tuloy ang buhay, malaya, masaya, nakangiti, at nakakatulog ng mahimbing sa gabi.

" Kizzy..."
It was Dione's voice. Ang lungkot ng boses nya.

I thought after talking to my therapist was the last time I'm going to cry but I was wrong.

I want that younger version of me return to my adult me now. Hindi ko alam kung posible pero gusto ko ibalik yung dating ako.

*MyNotes :

Hi, everyone?