Please, take my heart💋

Its nice to have a friend.... friend?

CHAPTER 12*                                            
Ivan has been quiter today and I don't know how to ask him about it or maybe I am just overthinking. "Ivan? Something is bothering you right, what is it?" He looks at me with wide eyes and says nothing for maybe 4 seconds and then he moves closer to me. He gives me a small smile which looks a bit painful and when he moves his face close to me I feel his breath on my nose and he turns to my side and rests his chin on my shoulder and wraps me in his arms by my waist. I hug him back by his neck and close my eyes. Ivan always gives me the peace and comfort everyone lacks in their life. "What's not right Ivan?", I ask him losing my patience. "It's nothing." I instantly reply, "Well you know you are not supposed to lie with me. Is it the campus thing?" He nods his head. "Iris, I think I know how you got this minor burn on your hand and I wanted you to tell me yourself but instead you got mad. I assumed something happened yesterday you were acting weird but after seeing your hand in the morning I got certain and I don't want you to hurt yourself, I know it's tough for you and it's 'almost' impossible to move on but you have to, for yourself, for the people who love you". I break our hug then say almost inaudibly "People who love me don't even exist anymore" ; but it seems like he heard it. He has a blank expression on his face when he says "Okay I am dead, thanks for telling me". I smile almost an invisible smile and say, " I mean it in a different context. It's like okay I have been loved but there is always someone people love more than me. There is no one who would say I am the best person and if they have me they don't want anyone else, absolutely no one. Mumma used to say we meet people who will heal our broken heart by giving us their heart, but no one would do that for me and I don't know if I should even blame anyone for that because it's just me. Maybe I don't deserve someone like this. Like what have I even done for someone. I have just been so selfish not caring what others feel and I still am. I am always mad taking out my frustration on whoever I find and I have done that to you even, that's why day before yesterday I just felt like no reason to stay is a good reason to go so I wanted to go away from here but I don't know I stopped, suddenly I lost courage and promised I won't do it again but it still strikes in my mind every now and then if it would have been better had I not sto-- Oh my god ivan was just in front of me and now I can't see him anymore than his head but i feel his lips on me

His mouth is gentle and persuasive as he takes my upper lip between his, his hands cradling my face as mine fall to my sides. He kisses my lower lip, and I forget to breathe as Ivan's warm breath dances across my mouth, and I inhale, unsure whose air I am breathing. He tilts his head, kissing the corner of my mouth, and my hands somehow find their way around his neck, pulling him closer. We exhale slowly, our breathing synchronized, and he pauses, his lips still pressed against mine. We are both out of breath, and I feel his warm exhalation on my lips as I open my eyes, and Ivan's gaze holds mine, his eyes burning with emotion. He slowly pulls back, his lips lingering on mine, as if he can't bring himself to move away. His eyes convey the depth of his love, the sincerity, and the longing, and they seem to hold a thousand unspoken words as I feel my heart respond to the intensity of his gaze. His eyes never leave mine as he whispers, his voice low and husky, "I fucking love you and it's not just friendship love for me but it's not even like I will manipulate you to have sex with me. I love you and I respect you the most importantly and all I want is your happiness. You are my first priority and you are the person I'd say is the best and I am your person who will give you his heart to replace your broken one ofc only if you let me. I am crazy about you but I know my limits and I am more than happy to have found you. I hope you won't abandon me after knowing all this. I love you like crazy and I am okay with the fact 'you not loving me back like that as long as you love yourself'. Please don't make me repeat all this". After saying the most unexpected things Ivan gets up from the couch and gets out of his living room. I feel like I am dead. What the hell just happened it feels like Ivan is out of his mind. I obviously know we have that chemistry between us but I could never imagine he would acknowledge it and I didn't know what to say, I had no idea. I don't even know what I am supposed to do now.