Mismatched

Ch. 17

One week.

I was trying to apply some self-restraint and stop myself from revolving everyday around Riley. I didn't want him to get overwhelmed and scared away, but he didn't know, like I did, that our time was potentially limited.

I tried to pull back, give him space, and focus on work, but I couldn't escape the hold he had on me. If I wasn't with Riley, I was texting Riley, calling Riley, thinking about Riley. At every moment, I wondered what he must be up to, what he was thinking about.

I was losing it.

I needed someone to slap me. Hard.

I'd never felt this way before. And I wondered, if I lost him, if I'd ever feel this way again.

Lesley glanced at me with that knowing look in her eyes, like she understood me better than I did, as I caught myself rambling about Riley for what felt like the millionth time that day.

"Nate, you're spiraling," Lesley said.

Lesley had originally been the one pushing me to the edge of this metaphorical cliff with Riley, encouraging me to jump. Now she was waving a lifejacket and begging me to take it.

But it was too late. I was in the rapids. I was the very definition of in too deep.

"I'm fine," I responded curtly.

Lesley raised an eyebrow at me, full of disbelief. "You're not even remotely fine, Nate. You're in love with someone who doesn't know who you really are. You're not fine."

"I'm not in love with him."

She shot me a patronizing look I didn't appreciate. "If you weren't, this would be easy. You'd tell him the truth, you'd feel bad for a few days, and then you'd move on. That's what you should do."

Despite how much I didn't want to hear it, I let the weight of her words sink in. I sighed. "I don't love him. I just care about him a lot."

Lesley's eyes softened, and she tried to give me a small smile. "This isn't fair to anyone involved. And honestly, Nate, I'm not sure how much more I can stick around for."

"What are you saying?"

Lesley's unwavering eye contact told me she was serious. "I'm saying, you need to tell him, or I will."

I couldn't believe this. After all of this, now Lesley was turning against me? She had been the one pushing me in the first place, when I had just wanted to give a stupid refund and be done with it.

Really, this was all her fault. I was happy to let Judy's business take the hit.

"You can't do that," I yelled, my voice so stern and angry, I barely recognized it. "This is my life."

She crossed her arms over her chest, and I could tell this argument was just beginning. "Yeah? And you're not doing anything about it. And real people are going to get really hurt, Nate. It's not just about you. What about Riley and Jack?"

'What about Riley and Jack? They don't even know each other," I scoffed.

I mean, it was absurd. It's not like I was forbidding Riley from seeing anyone. I just wasn't going out of my way to introduce him to someone that he'd never met.

"But they should," she immediately corrected.

"They should?" I echoed. "Whose side are you on?"

"It's selfish, Nate. You know it's selfish," Lesley shot back. It was followed by complete silence.